“The first thing to be done at this meet’n is to ’lect a new Chief Gobbler, fer this one has now resigned. This chair has quit, an’ now pays its parting respects to all the members. I say now that this chair has been blasphemed an’ jumped on fer five years. Nothin’ has ever been done right. Ev’rybody has cussed the chair right an’ left, an’ the chair has never peeped or said a word back. In quit’n this hon’able office this chair now makes answer to all them sore heads that’s been criticize’n it fer all these years, an’ that answer is _BAH!!!!_ “Now we’ll perceed to nominations fer the chair’s successor.” A Voice:—“I nom’nate Mr. Bill Stiles fer the ensuin’ year, an’ I move it be made unimous.” The Chair:—“Is there no other nominations?” Another Voice:—“I nom’nate Mr. Josh Varney, an’ I move it be made unimous.” (Chorus of cat calls.) A voice from the rear:—“I move that the chair stops smokin’ when it’s presidin’ an’ I move we adjourn!” The Chair:—“If that feller back there thinks ’e c’n run this meet’n better’n it’s bein’ done, let ’im come up in front. This chair’s goin’ to do its smokin’ while it’s alive instid o’ wait’n ’till afterwards like some people. We gotta have some dignity about this thing, an’ you fellers keep quiet! Now who makes any more nominations?” After some further parliamentary bickering, the reluctant Bill was duly reëlected, as usual. “Now,” he continued, “havin’ got this turr’ble weight offen our chests, the next business’ll be the ’lection of a new boss, fer Sophy Perkins has left us. She’s gone way off some’rs where the winds are blowin’ an’ she’ll never come back. Mr. Posey has been suggested fer new secretary an’ treasurer. Does anybody nominate ’im?” “He’d be a good man to take in the money, but he’d make a hell of a secretary!” shouted somebody in the crowd. “Never mind, does somebody nominate ’im?” continued Bill. “How d’ye know Sophy’ll never come back?” demanded another voice from the rear. “How do I know? How do I know anything? Shut up!” replied the chair with asperity. Mr. Posey modestly declined his impending honors, but was elected. “The next business,” announced Bill, “is the report o’ the chair on the case o’ Mr. Josh Varney. Some o’ you’ll prob’ly faintly recollect of ’is havin’ been among us some time ago.” He then related the story of Plunkett, revealed the sins of Varney in all their sable hues and commented caustically on the soft headedness of the victims of that artful tactician. “All you fellers has been just as easy marks fer Josh as them ten turkeys in them boxes was a year ago. Some day we may ketch the perfessor, but knowin’ ’im as I do, I don’t b’lieve we will. He bruised a lot o’ gold shekels out o’ this bunch with that pale fowl, an’ besides ’e made us feel bad.” Mr. Rat Hyatt was now recognized by the chair.