I am free to confess that I am not a great man, and that, at any rate in
the earlier part of my career, I had a hankering after the homage which
is paid to greatness. I would fain have been a popular orator, feeding
myself on the incense tendered to me by thousands; or failing that, a
man born to power, whom those around him were compelled to respect, and
perhaps to fear. I am not ashamed to acknowledge this, and I believe
that most of my neighbours in Friday Street would own as much were they
as candid and open-hearted as myself.
It is now some time since I was recommended to pass the first four
months of the year in Cairo because I had a sore-throat. The doctor may
have been right, but I shall never divest myself of the idea that my
partners wished to be rid of me while they made certain changes in the
management of the firm. They would not otherwise have shown such
interest every time I blew my nose or relieved my huskiness by a slight
cough;--they would not have been so intimate with that surgeon from St.
Bartholomew’s who dined with them twice at the Albion; nor would they
have gone to work directly that my back was turned, and have done those
very things which they could not have done had I remained at home. Be
that as it may, I was frightened and went to Cairo, and while there I
made a trip to Suez for a week.
I was not happy at Cairo, for I knew nobody there, and the people at the
hotel were, as I thought, uncivil. It seemed to me as though I were
allowed to go in and out merely by sufferance; and yet I paid my bill
regularly every week. The house was full of company, but the company was
made up of parties of twos and threes, and they all seemed to have their
own friends. I did make attempts to overcome that terrible British
exclusiveness, that noli me tangere with which an Englishman arms
himself, and in which he thinks it necessary to envelop his wife; but it
was in vain, and I found myself sitting down to breakfast and dinner,
day after day, as much alone as I should do if I called for a chop at a
separate table in the Cathedral Coffee-house. And yet at breakfast and
dinner I made one of an assemblage of thirty or forty people. That I
thought dull.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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