Elizabeth Garrow was a very good girl, but it might almost be a question
whether she was not too good. She had learned, or thought that she had
learned, that most girls are vapid, silly, and useless,--given chiefly
to pleasure-seeking and a hankering after lovers; and she had resolved
that she would not be such a one. Industry, self-denial, and a religious
purpose in life, were the tasks which she set herself; and she went
about the performance of them with much courage. But such tasks, though
they are excellently well adapted to fit a young lady for the work of
living, may also be carried too far, and thus have the effect of
unfitting her for that work. When Elizabeth Garrow made up her mind
that the finding of a husband was not the only purpose of life, she did
very well. It is very well that a young lady should feel herself capable
of going through the world happily without one. But in teaching herself
this she also taught herself to think that there was a certain merit in
refusing herself the natural delight of a lover, even though the
possession of the lover were compatible with all her duties to herself,
her father and mother, and the world at large. It was not that she had
determined to have no lover. She made no such resolve, and when the
proper lover came he was admitted to her heart. But she declared to
herself unconsciously that she must put a guard upon herself, lest she
should be betrayed into weakness by her own happiness. She had resolved
that in loving her lord she would not worship him, and that in giving
her heart she would only so give it as it should be given to a human
creature like herself. She had acted on these high resolves, and hence
it had come to pass,--not unnaturally,--that Mr. Godfrey Holmes had told
her that it was “her fault.”
She was a pretty, fair girl, with soft dark-brown hair, and soft long
dark eyelashes. Her grey eyes, though quiet in their tone, were tender
and lustrous. Her face was oval, and the lines of her cheek and chin
perfect in their symmetry. She was generally quiet in her demeanour, but
when moved she could rouse herself to great energy, and speak with
feeling and almost with fire. Her fault was a reverence for martyrdom in
general, and a feeling, of which she was unconscious, that it became a
young woman to be unhappy in secret;--that it became a young woman, I
might rather say, to have a source of unhappiness hidden from the world
in general, and endured without any detriment to her outward
cheerfulness. We know the story of the Spartan boy who held the fox
under his tunic. The fox was biting into him,--into the very entrails;
but the young hero spake never a word. Now Bessy Garrow was inclined to
think that it was a good thing to have a fox always biting, so that the
torment caused no ruining to her outward smiles. Now at this moment the
fox within her bosom was biting her sore enough, but she bore it without
flinching.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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