“He wore me out--wore everybody out. He kept on pouring out his
lamentable twaddle, and hawking it up and down the place till he became
a thing of terror. I tried to wean him from writing--oh, ever so gently,
you understand, by throwing him with agreeable people, giving him a
chance to make himself felt, to come to a sense of what he _really_ had
to give. I’d foreseen this solution from the beginning--felt sure that,
once the first ardour of authorship was quenched, he’d drop into his
place as a charming parasitic thing, the kind of chronic Cherubino for
whom, in old societies, there’s always a seat at table, and a shelter
behind the ladies’ skirts. I saw him take his place as ‘the poet’: the
poet who doesn’t write. One knows the type in every drawing-room. Living
in that way doesn’t cost much--I’d worked it all out in my mind, and
felt sure that, with a little help, he could manage it for the next
few years; and meanwhile he’d be sure to marry. I saw him married to
a widow, rather older, with a good cook and a well-run house. And I
actually had my eye on the widow ... Meanwhile I did everything to
facilitate the transition--lent him money to ease his conscience,
introduced him to pretty women to make him forget his vows. But nothing
would do him: he had but one idea in his beautiful obstinate head. He
wanted the laurel and not the rose, and he kept on repeating Gautier’s
axiom, and battering and filing at his limp prose till he’d spread it
out over Lord knows how many thousand sloppy pages. Now and then he
would send a pailful to a publisher, and of course it would always come
back.
“At first it didn’t matter--he thought he was ‘misunderstood.’ He took
the attitudes of genius, and whenever an opus came home he wrote another
to keep it company. Then he had a reaction of despair, and accused me of
deceiving him, and Lord knows what. I got angry at that, and told him
it was he who had deceived himself. He’d come to me determined to write,
and I’d done my best to help him. That was the extent of my offence, and
I’d done it for his cousin’s sake, not his.
“That seemed to strike home, and he didn’t answer for a minute. Then he
said: ‘My time’s up and my money’s up. What do you think I’d better do?’
“‘I think you’d better not be an ass,’ I said.
“He turned red, and asked: ‘What do you mean by being an ass?’
“I took a letter from my desk and held it out to him.
“‘I mean refusing this offer of Mrs. Ellinger’s: to be her secretary at
a salary of five thousand dollars. There may be a lot more in it than
that.’
“He flung out his hand with a violence that struck the letter from mine.
‘Oh, I know well enough what’s in it!’ he said, scarlet to the roots of
his hair.
“‘And what’s your answer, if you know?’ I asked.
“He made none at the minute, but turned away slowly to the door. There,
with his hand on the threshold, he stopped to ask, almost under his
breath: ‘Then you really think my stuff’s no good?’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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