Draper was silent, and Mr. Spence once more addressed himself to his
secretary. “Millner, you’re a reader: I’ve caught you at it. And I know
this boy talks to you. What have you got to say? Do you suppose a Bible
Class ever _hurt_ anybody?”
Millner paused a moment, feeling all through his nervous system the
fateful tremor of the balance. “That’s what I was just trying to tell
him, sir--”
“Ah; you were? That’s good. Then I’ll only say one thing more. Your
doing what you’ve done at this particular moment hurts me more, Draper,
than your teaching the gospel of Jesus could possibly have hurt those
young men over in Tenth Avenue.” Mr. Spence arose and restored his watch
to his pocket. “I shall want you in twenty minutes, Millner.”
The door closed on him, and for a while the two young men sat silent
behind their cigar fumes. Then Draper Spence broke out, with a catch
in his throat: “That’s what I can’t bear, Millner, what I simply
can’t _bear:_ to hurt him, to hurt his faith in _me!_ It’s an awful
responsibility, isn’t it, to tamper with anybody’s faith in anything?”
III
THE twenty minutes prolonged themselves to forty, the forty to fifty,
and the fifty to an hour; and still Millner waited for Mr. Spence’s
summons.
During the two years of his secretaryship the young man had learned the
significance of such postponements. Mr. Spence’s days were organized
like a railway time-table, and a delay of an hour implied a casualty
as far-reaching as the breaking down of an express. Of the cause of the
present derangement Hugh Millner was ignorant; and the experience of the
last months allowed him to fluctuate between conflicting conjectures.
All were based on the indisputable fact that Mr. Spence was
“bothered”--had for some time past been “bothered.” And it was one of
Millner’s discoveries that an extremely parsimonious use of the emotions
underlay Mr. Spence’s expansive manner and fraternal phraseology, and
that he did not throw away his feelings any more than (for all his
philanthropy) he threw away his money. If he was bothered, then, it
could be only because a careful survey of his situation had forced on
him some unpleasant fact with which he was not immediately prepared to
deal; and any unpreparedness on Mr. Spence’s part was also a significant
symptom.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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