Lizzie heard him with a drop of the heart. Was everything to be changed
in their lives? But of course; how could she have dreamed it would be
otherwise? She could only stupidly repeat: “Not coming back? Not this
spring?”
“Probably not, since are friends are so good as to keep her. The fact
is, I’ve got to go to America. My wife left a little property, a few
pennies, that I must go and see to--for the child.”
Lizzie stood before him, a cold knife in her breast. “I see--I see,”
she reiterated, feeling all the while that she strained her eyes into
impenetrable blackness.
“It’s a nuisance, having to pull up stakes,” he went on, with a fretful
glance about the studio.
She lifted her eyes slowly to his face. “Shall you be gone long?” she
took courage to ask.
“There again--I can’t tell. It’s all so frightfully mixed up.” He met
her look for an incredibly long, strange moment. “I hate to go!” he
murmured as if to himself.
Lizzie felt a rush of moisture to her lashes, and the old, familiar
wave of weakness at her heart. She raised her hand to her face with an
instinctive gesture, and as she did so he held out his arms.
“Come here, Lizzie!” he said.
And she went--went with a sweet, wild throb of liberation, with the
sense that at last the house was his, that _she_ was his, if he wanted
her; that never again would that silent, rebuking presence in the room
above constrain and shame her rapture.
He pushed back her veil and covered her face with kisses. “Don’t cry,
you little goose!” he said.
III
THAT they must see each other again before his departure, in someplace
less exposed than their usual haunts, was as clear to Lizzie as it
appeared to be to Deering. His expressing the wish seemed, indeed, the
sweetest testimony to the quality of his feeling, since, in the first
weeks of the most perfunctory widowerhood, a man of his stamp is
presumed to abstain from light adventures. If, then, at such a moment,
he wished so much to be quietly and gravely with her, it could be only
for reasons she did not call by name, but of which she felt the sacred
tremor in her heart; and it would have seemed incredibly vain and vulgar
to put forward, at such a crisis, the conventional objections by means
of which such little-exposed existences defend the treasure of their
freshness.
In such a mood as this one may descend from the Passy omnibus at the
corner of the Pont de la Concorde (she had not let him fetch her in a
cab) with a sense of dedication almost solemn, and may advance to meet
one’s fate, in the shape of a gentleman of melancholy elegance, with an
auto-taxi at his call, as one has advanced to the altar-steps in some
girlish bridal vision.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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