“And I meant to keep my resolve,” he went on, slowly releasing his
clasp. “I meant to keep it even after the random stream of things swept
me back here in your way; but when I saw you the other day, I felt that
what had been possible at a distance was impossible now that we were
near each other. How was it possible to see you and want you to hate me?”
He had moved away, but not to resume his seat. He merely paused at
a little distance, his hand resting on a chair-back, in the transient
attitude that precedes departure.
Lizzie’s heart contracted. He was going, then, and this was his farewell.
He was going, and she could find no word to detain him but the senseless
stammer “I never hated you.”
He considered her with his faint grave smile. “It’s not necessary, at
any rate, that you should do so now. Time and circumstances have made me
so harmless--that’s exactly why I’ve dared to venture back. And I wanted
to tell you how I rejoice in your good fortune. It’s the only obstacle
between us that I can’t bring myself to wish away.”
Lizzie sat silent, spellbound, as she listened, by the sudden evocation
of Mr. Jackson Benn. He stood there again, between herself and Deering,
perpendicular and reproachful, but less solid and sharply outlined than
before, with a look in his small hard eyes that desperately wailed for
reembodiment.
Deering was continuing his farewell speech. “You’re rich now, you’re
free. You will marry.” She vaguely saw him holding out his hand.
“It’s not true that I’m engaged!” she broke out. They were the last
words she had meant to utter; they were hardly related to her conscious
thoughts; but she felt her whole will suddenly gathered up in the
irrepressible impulse to repudiate and fling away from her forever the
spectral claim of Mr. Jackson Benn.
VII
IT was the firm conviction of Andora Macy that every object in the
Vincent Deerings’ charming little house at Neuilly had been expressly
designed for the Deerings’ son to play with.
The house was full of pretty things, some not obviously applicable to
the purpose; but Miss Macy’s casuistry was equal tothe baby’s appetite,
and the baby’s mother was no match for them in the art of defending her
possessions. There were moments, in fact, when Lizzie almost fell in
with Andora’s summary division of her works of art into articles safe
or unsafe for the baby to lick, or resisted it only to the extent of
occasionally substituting some less precious or less perishable object
for the particular fragility on which her son’s desire was fixed. And
it was with this intention that, on a certain fair spring morning--which
wore the added luster of being the baby’s second birthday--she had
murmured, with her mouth in his curls, and one hand holding a bit of
Chelsea above his dangerous clutch: “Wouldn’t he rather have that
beautiful shiny thing over there in Aunt Andorra’s hand?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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