Tales of the Jazz AgeFitzgerald, F. Scott (Francis Scott)
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Tales of the Jazz Age
Fitzgerald, F. Scott (Francis Scott)
Short stories; United States -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction
But it was Caroline without a doubt: Caroline’s features though in
decay; Caroline’s figure, if brittle and stiff in movement; Caroline’s
manner, unmistakably compounded of a delightful insolence and an
enviable self assurance; and, most of all, Caroline’s voice, broken
and shaky, yet with a ring in it that still could and did make
chauffeurs want to drive laundry wagons and cause cigarettes to fall
from the fingers of urban grandsons.
She stood and sniffed. Her eyes found the cigarette upon the floor.
“What’s that?” she cried. The words were not a question--they were an
entire litany of suspicion, accusation, confirmation, and decision.
She tarried over them scarcely an instant. “Stand up!” she said to her
grandson, “stand up and blow that nicotine out of your lungs!”
The young man looked at her in trepidation.
“Blow!” she commanded.
He pursed his lips feebly and blew into the air.
“Blow!” she repeated, more peremptorily than before.
He blew again, helplessly, ridiculously.
“Do you realize,” she went on briskly, “that you’ve forfeited five
thousand dollars in five minutes?”
Merlin momentarily expected the young man to fall pleading upon his
knees, but such is the nobility of human nature that he remained
standing--even blew again into the air, partly from nervousness,
partly, no doubt, with some vague hope of reingratiating himself.
“Young ass!” cried Caroline. “Once more, just once more and you leave
college and go to work.”
This threat had such an overwhelming effect upon the young man that he
took on an even paler pallor than was natural to him. But Caroline was
not through.
“Do you think I don’t know what you and your brothers, yes, and your
asinine father too, think of me? Well, I do. You think I’m senile. You
think I’m soft. I’m not!” She struck herself with her fist as though
to prove that she was a mass of muscle and sinew. “And I’ll have more
brains left when you’ve got me laid out in the drawing-room some sunny
day than you and the rest of them were born with.”
“But Grandmother----”
“Be quiet. You, a thin little stick of a boy, who if it weren’t for my
money might have risen to be a journeyman barber out in the Bronx--Let
me see your hands. Ugh! The hands of a barber--_you_ presume to
be smart with _me_, who once had three counts and a bona-fide
duke, not to mention half a dozen papal titles pursue me from the city
of Rome to the city of New York.” She paused, took breath. “Stand up!
Blow’!”
The young man obediently blew. Simultaneously the door opened and an
excited gentleman of middle age who wore a coat and hat trimmed with
fur, and seemed, moreover, to be trimmed with the same sort of fur
himself on upper lip and chin, rushed into the store and up to
Caroline.
“Found you at last,” he cried. “Been looking for you all over town.
Tried your house on the ’phone and your secretary told me he thought
you’d gone to a bookshop called the Moonlight--”
Caroline turned to him irritably.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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