"Against all reason, dearest!" he added, with a smile, taking her
cold passive hand in his. "My Winifred's firm and well-ordered mind
has always hitherto been the stay and the support of mine: it has
been from her gentle lips that I have learned true piety and real
submission; from her that I have learned, or tried to learn, to bend
my will to the decrees of Providence! Her support will not now, in my
utmost need, be withdrawn from me! she will not make my task more hard!
neither will she say or do aught that shall unsettle my mind, or render
me unfit for what is to be done to-morrow. She would not have her
husband appear in Westminster Hall before his assembled peers, before
the court, and before the people of England, with excited feelings and
nerves unstrung! And trust me, when I gaze on you, it is no easy task
to face death with composure, and to brace my mind to hear unmoved the
sentence which awaits me to-morrow. The love of life, of life with
you, is only too strong within this bosom. Speak not to me of hope! I
must not admit the notion; but speak to me of that heaven where we may
be re-united! Tell me that by unrepining submission I may best make
myself worthy of once more meeting you, my love; tell me that life is
short, and that we have already enjoyed many years of happiness; that
we have already mounted the hill, that we must soon descend it; that
probably we have known the best years of our existence; that before us
may be a future of sickness, sorrow, suffering,--the death of friends!
the loss of children!" He paused; then overcome with pity, he added,
in a broken voice, "Alas, alas! and shall your gentleness be left to
meet these sorrows alone? to buffet with fortune alone? Oh, my poor,
poor Winifred! pardon me for having indulged in such sad anticipations;
pardon me for having pictured sorrows which can only be alleviated
by being shared! for sickness would not to me be suffering if tended
by you! grief would lose half its sting if you were near to whisper
consolation; and who but the beloved of one's heart can administer
comfort under the other deprivations to which I so cruelly alluded?
Alas for you, my poor, poor Winifred!"
And the composure which he had so striven to preserve completely gave
way when he thus painted to himself the desolation of her whom he
should leave behind. He pressed the hand he still held to his lips; and
the tears which he could no longer restrain, fell fast upon it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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