All resentment had faded from his heart when he went in to her. He had
longed for reconciliation and for reassurance. But as he had looked at
the seeming calm of Karen's face his tenderness and compunction passed
into a bitter consciousness of frustrated love. Her calm was like a
repulse. Their personal estrangement and misunderstanding left her
unmoved. She had said what she had to say to him; she had vindicated her
guardian; and now she slept, unmindful of him. He asked himself, and for
the first time clearly and steadily, as he lay awake for hours
afterwards in the little dressing-room bed, whether Karen's feelings for
him passed beyond a faithful, sober affection that took him for granted,
unhesitatingly and uncritically, as a new asset in a life dedicated
elsewhere. Romance for her was personified in Tante, and her husband was
a creature of mere kindly domesticity. It was to think too bitterly of
Karen's love for him to see it thus, he knew, even while the torment
grasped him; but the pressure of his own love for her, the loveliness,
the romance that she so supremely personified for him, surged too
strongly against the barrier of her mute, unanswering face, for him to
feel temperately and weigh fairly. There was a lack in her, and because
of it she hurt him thus cruelly.
They met next morning over a mutual misinterpretation, and, with a sense
of mingled discord and relief, found themselves kissing and smiling as
if nothing had happened. Pride sustained them; the hope that, since the
other seemed so unconscious, a hurt dealt so unconsciously need not, for
pride's sake, be resented; the fear that explanation or protest might
emphasise estrangement. The easiest thing to do was to go on acting as
if nothing had happened. Karen poured out his coffee and questioned him
about the latest political news. He helped her to eggs and bacon and
took an interest in her letters.
And since it was easiest to begin so, it was easiest so to go on. The
routine of their shared life blurred for them the sharp realisations of
the night. But while the fact that such suffering had come to them was
one that could, perhaps, be lived down, the fact that they did not speak
of it spread through all their life with a strange, new savour.
Karen went to her ducal week-end; but she did not, when she came back
from it, regale her husband with her usual wealth of detailed
description. She could no longer assume the air of happy confidence
where Tante and her doings with Tante were concerned. That air of
determined cheerfulness, that pretence that nothing was really the
matter and that Tante and Gregory were bound to get on together if she
took it for granted that they would, had broken down. There was relief
for Gregory, though relief of a chill, grey order, in seeing that Karen
had accepted the fact that he and Tante were not to get on. Yet he
smarted from the new sense of being shut out from her life.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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