American fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, American
Had she betrayed him, too? It was not impossible that a woman who had
ceased to love one man would cease to love his successor. Some subtle
meaning pervaded the atmosphere of that faded coat, that leather book,
that woman’s face, with its smile, and by the meaning Manuel knew Señor
had suffered the same stunning stroke that had blighted him. Señor had
cried out in the night: “Oh God, let me forget!”
It was the same story--hell in the mind, because one day on a woman’s
face shone that mysterious thing, a light, a smile for him alone, and
on the next day it vanished. Fever in the blood, madness to forget,
wandering, a hunt for peace, and the wasting years--how he knew them!
Manuel thought of Señor, of his magnificent strength, of the lion in
him as he sprang to meet the Cashibos, of the gaudy butterfly darts
imbedded in his back, of the glory and pathos of his death. What his
life might have been! A strung cord snapped in Manuel’s breast; his
heart broke. Bitter salt tears flowed for Señor, for himself, for
all miserable wretches for all time. In that revealing moment he
caught a glimpse of the infinite. He saw the helplessness of man, the
unintelligible fatality of chance, motive, power, charm, love--all
that made up the complexity of life.
How little it mattered, from the view of what made life significant
to him, that he was a rubber hunter, lost in the jungle, hunted by
cannibals, tortured by heat, thirst, hunger, vermin! His real life was
deep-seated in the richly colored halls of memory; and when he lived at
all, it was when he dreamed therein. His outside existence, habits of
toil, and debauchery were horrors that he hated. On the outside he was
a brutalized rubber hunter, unkempt and unwashed, a coarse clod, given
over to gaming and _chicha_. In that inner life he lived on a windy
hill, watching white sails on a blue sea, listening to a woman’s voice.
But some change had come that would now affect his exterior
life; something beautiful crowned the hideous span of years. His
companionship with Señor had softened him, and the tragedy, with its
divine communication of truth, was a lightning flash into the black
gulf of his soul.
By its light he felt pity for her, for Señor, for himself, for all who
lived and loved and suffered. By its light he divined the intricate web
and tangle and cross and counter-cross of the instincts and feelings
of human nature--all that made love transient in one heart, steadfast
in another, fleeting as the shadow of a flitting wing--wonderful,
terrible, unquenchable as the burning sun.
By its light he saw woman, the mother of life, the source of love, the
fountain of joy, the embodiment of change--nature’s tool to further her
unfathomable design, forever and ever to lure man by grace and beauty,
to win him, to fetter him in unattainable, ever-enthralling desires. By
its light he saw himself another man, a long-tried, long-failing man,
faithful to his better self at the last.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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