He had been treated by her as a cypher, as something vague to put up
against her friends. All along for the last week he had been a shadowy
and actually unimportant figure. He had shown no consciousness of this.
Rather dazed and machine-like himself, Bertha had treated him as she had
found him. Suddenly, without any direct articulateness, he had revenged
himself as a machine might do, in a nightmare. At a leap he was in the
rigid foreground of her life. He had absorbed all the rest in an immense
clashing wink. But the moment following this “desperateness” he stood,
abstracted, distant and baffling as before. It was difficult to realize
he was there.
Tarr had been the real central and absorbing figure all along, of course,
but purposely veiled. He had been as really all-important, though to
all appearance eliminated, as Kreisler had been of no importance,
though propped up in the foreground. Sorbert at last could no longer
be suppressed and kept from coming forward now in her mind. But his
presence, too, was perplexing. She had become so used to regarding him,
though seeing him daily, as an uncertain and departing figure, that now
he had really gone that did not make much difference. His proceedings, a
carefully prepared anæsthesia for himself, had had its effect on her as
well, serving for both.
The bell rang. She stood up in one movement and stared towards the door.
She looked as though she were waiting for the bell to ring two or three
times to find resolution in that, one way or the other. It rang a second
and third time. She did not know _how_ much persistence would draw her to
the door. But she knew that any definite show of energy would overcome
her. Was it Elsa? She had lighted her lamp, and her visitor could
therefore have seen that she was at home.
Bertha went to the door at length with affected alacrity, in a pretence
of not having heard the bell before, and opened it sharply. Kreisler
was there. The opening of the door had been like the tearing of a
characterless mask off a face. Had he not been looking at her through
it all the time? There did not seem room for them where they were
standing. He looked to her like a great terrifying poster, cut out on the
melodramatic stairway. She remained stone-still in front of him with a
pinched expression, as though about to burst out crying, and something
deprecating in her paralysed gesture, like a child. There was an analogy
to a laugh struck dead on a child’s face at a rebuff, souring and
twisting all the features.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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