Constantly on the point of “throwing him out,” as her energetic German
idiom put it, it yet evidently would then, in the first place, be
the same as before. Secondly, she was a good deal intimidated by his
unexplained presence. She had a curiosity about him,—curiosity rather as
to how what had happened to her could be straightened out or a little
sense in some way got into it. The material of this modification was
in him and only there.—She hated him thoroughly now. But this new and
distinct feeling gave him at last some reality.—Her way of regarding
Kreisler was that of the girl a man “has got into trouble,” and to whom
she looks to get her out of it.
So she stood, anxious as to what he might have come there to do,
gradually settling down into a “proud and silent indignation,” behind
which her curiosity might wait and see what would transpire.
Kreisler had at length, having allowed her to stay unexplained by his
side for a week or so, divined some complication. Her case might possibly
be similar to his? She did not interest him any the more for this. But
communication would not be, perhaps, absolutely useless.
His only possibility of action at present was to act violently, in gusts.
He did not know, when he began an action, whether he would be able to go
through with it.—He could not now prevail upon himself to go through the
senseless form of apology or anything else. He had got there, that would
have to be sufficient.
But the situation for Bertha became urgent, too. The difficulty was
that there was _nothing adequate_ to be done, that she could think
of, in any way in proportion to the enormity of the occasion. Yet, to
escape from the memory of Kreisler, what had happened must be wiped
out, checkmated, by some action. She was still stunned and overwhelmed
with the normal feminine feelings proper to the case. But yet even here
there was an irregularity. Another source of infinite discomfort was
that she could not even _feel_, as she should normally, the extent of
the outrage, although it was evident enough. She had an hysterical
inclination, in waves of astonishment, to accept its paradoxical and
persistent appearance. This appearance Kreisler’s peculiar manner,
her own present mind and the unexampled circumstances gave it. It was
nothing,—a bagatelle!—Pooh! it is nothing, after all! How _can_ it be of
any importance, seeing that⸺?—This was one of those things that seem to
have got into the category of waking by mistake. It had nothing to do
with life’s context. And yet it _was_ life. She must deal with it.
She had wished to _free_ Sorbert. _That_ had been the beginning of all
this. It was with idea of sacrifice in her mind that she had committed
the first folly on the boulevard.—Well, _she had succeeded_. What did
Kreisler mean?—At last his significance was as clear as daylight. He
meant _always_ and _everywhere_ merely that _she could never see Tarr
again_!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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