Various pursuits suggested themselves. He might go and offer himself
as model at some big private studios near the Observatoire. He could
get a week’s money advanced him? He would dress as a woman and waylay
somebody or other on the boulevards. He might steal some money. Volker
was the last. He came just after murder. He would go to Ernst Volker—he
with his little obstinate resolve in obscurity of his mind no longer
to be Kreisler’s acquaintance. Obstinacy in people of weak character
is the perfectly exasperating thing. They have no right to their
resoluteness—appearing weaker and meaner than ever in anomalous tenacity.
Volker, naturally submissive, had broken away and was posing somewhere as
a stranger. He felt physical disgust; this proceeding was indecent.
A spirit that has mingled with another, suddenly covering itself and
wishing to regain its strangeness, can be as indecent as a strange being
suddenly baring itself. A man’s being is never divined so completely
and pungently as when his friendship cools and he becomes once more a
stranger. This is one of the moments when the imagination, most awake,
sees best.
This little rat’s instinctive haste to separate from him was an ill omen:
what did he care for omens? he clamoured impatiently.
At this juncture in his reflections, from where he sat on the café
terrace he saw Volker’s back, as he supposed, disappearing round a
corner, as though trying to avoid a meeting. Blood came to his head with
a shock. He nearly sprang forward in pursuit of this unsociable form.
Rushing words of insult rose to his lips, he fidgeted on his seat, gazed
blankly at the spot where he had seen the figure. That it was no longer
there exasperated him beyond measure. It was as though he considered that
Ernst should have remained at the corner, immobile, with his back towards
him, a visible mark and fuel for anger. He made a sign to the waiter,
indicating that his drink would go into his “tick.” He then hurried off
in the direction of Volker’s house—the direction also that the back had
taken—determined to get something out of him. Kreisler, letting instinct
guide his steps, took the wrong turning—following, in fact, his customary
morning’s itinerary. He found himself suddenly far beyond the street
Volker lived in, near Juan Soler’s atelier. He gazed down the street
towards the atelier, then took off his glasses and began carefully wiping
them. While doing this he heard words of greeting and found Volker at his
elbow.
“Hallo! You look pretty hot. You nearly knocked me over a minute ago in
your haste,” he was saying.
Kreisler jumped—as the bravest might if, having stoutly confronted an
apparition, it suddenly became a man of flesh and blood. Had his glasses
been firmly planted on his nose things might have gone differently. He
frowned vacantly at Ernst and went on rubbing them.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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