He wanted to bury his fear in her hot hair; he wanted to kiss her lips
as he had never kissed any woman’s; all the things he wanted—! But what
would Soltyk be doing about it? He had met her alone, and that was all
right and not impossible with a world made by their solitary meeting in
the restaurant. He had lived with her instinctively in this solitary
world of he and she. It was quite changed at present. Soltyk had got into
it. Soltyk, by implication, brought a host of others, even if he did
not mean that he was a definite rival there himself. What was he saying
to her now? Sneers and ridicule, oceans of sneers directed at himself,
more than ten thousand men could have discharged, he felt, certainly
were inundating her ear. His stepmother-fiancée, other tales, were being
retailed. _Everything_ that would conceivably prejudice Anastasya, or
would not, he accepted as already retailed. There he sat, like a coward.
He was furious at their distant insulting equanimity.
A breath of violent excitement struck him, coming from within. He stirred
dully beneath it. She was there; he had only put a thin partition between
them. His heart beat slowly and ponderously. “On hearing what the swine
Soltyk has to say she will remember my conduct in the restaurant and
my appearance. She will make it all fit in. And, by God, it does fit
in! Himmel! Himmel! there’s nothing to be done! Anything I did, every
movement, would only be filling out the figure my ass-tricks have cut for
her!”
He was as conscious of the interior, which he could not see from his
place on the street, as though, passing through, he had just found the
walls, tables, chairs, painted bright scarlet. He felt he had left a
wake of seething agitation in his passage of the café. Passing the two
people inside there had been the affair of a moment, not yet grasped.
This experience, apparently of the past, was still going on. The sense’s
picture, even, was not yet complete. New facts, details, were added every
moment. He was still passing Anastasya and Soltyk. He sat on, trembling,
at the door. There were other exits. She might be gone. But he forgot
about them.
How he had worried himself about the pawned suit. Fate had directed him
there to the café to save him the trouble of further racking his brains
about it. Should he leave Paris? But he was mutinous. The occurrence of
this idea filled him with suspicions.
The fit was over; reaction had set in. He was eyeing himself obliquely in
the looking-glass behind his head.
He almost jumped away at two voices beside him, and the thrilling sound
of a dress; it was as though some one had spoken with his own voice.
It seemed all round him, attacking him. The thin, ordinary brushing of
a skirt was like the low breathing of a hidden animal to a man in the
forest. He felt they were coming to speak to him—just as they had thought
that he was. The nerves on that side of his head twitched as though
shrinking from a touch.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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