They were crossing the _terrasse_ to the street. His heart beat a slow
march. Her image there had become used. The reality, in its lightning
correction of this, dug into his mind. There once more the real figure
had its separate and foreign life. He was disagreeably struck by a
certain air of depression and cheerlessness in the two figures before
him. This one thing that should have been pleasant, displeased him. He
was angry as though she had been shamming melancholy.
They were not talking, the best proof of familiarity. A strange figure
occurred to him; he felt like a man, with all organs, bones, tissues
complete, but made of cheap perishable stuff, who could only live for a
day and then die of use.
This image, reality now before him, had drawn out all his energy, like
a distinct being nourished by him. The image, intact in his mind, had
returned him more or less the vigour spent. Her listlessness seemed a
complement of the weakness he now felt. Energy was ebbing away from both.
He stared with bloodshot eyes. Then he got up and began walking after
her. Soltyk, on hearing steps, turned round; but he made no remark to
Anastasya. They crossed the street and got into a passing tram. Otto
Kreisler went back to the café.
It was like returning to some hall where there had been a banquet to
find empty chairs, empty bottles, and disorder. The vacant seats around
seemed to have been lately vacated. Then there was the sensation of
being left behind. The Café Berne was a solitary and antediluvian
place. Everything began to thrust itself upon him—the people, street,
insignificant incidents—as though this indifferent life of facts, in the
vanishing of the life of the imagination, had now become important, being
the only thing left. Common life seemed rushing in and claiming him, and
emphasizing his defeat and the new condition thus inaugurated. He went to
Lejeune’s for dinner. During the whole day he had been in feverish hurry,
constantly seeing time narrowing in upon him. Now he had a sensation of
intolerable leisure.
The useless ennui of his life presented itself to him for the
thousandth time, but now clearly. This fact seemed to have been waiting
with irritating calm, as though to say, “As soon as you can give me
your attention?—Well, what are you going to do with me?” For he had
compromised himself irretrievably. He knew that sooner or later he must
marry and settle down with this stony fact, multiply its image. Things
had gone too far.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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