The “resolve” was a simple one. In hazy, emotional way, she had been
making up her mind to it ever since Tarr had left that afternoon. He
wished to be released, did not want her, was irked, not so much by their
formal engagement as by his liking for her (this kept him, she thought
she discerned). A stone hung round his neck, he fretted the whole time,
and it would always be so. Good. This she understood. Then _she_ would
release him. But since it was not merely a question of _words_, of
saying “we are no longer engaged” (she had already been very free with
them), but of acts and facts, she must bring these substantialities
about. By putting herself in the most definite sense out of his reach
and life—far more than if she should leave Paris, their continuance of
relations must be made impossible. Somebody else—and a somebody else who
was at the same time _nobody_, and who would evaporate and leave no trace
the moment he had served her purpose—must be found. She must be able
to stare pityingly and resignedly, but silently, if he were mentioned.
Kreisler exactly filled this ticket. And he arose not too unnaturally.
This idea had been germinating while Tarr was still with her that morning.
So, a prodigality and profusion of self-sacrifice being offered her in
the person of Kreisler, she behaved as she did.
This clear and satisfactory action displayed her Prussian limitation;
also her pleasure with herself, that done. _Should Tarr wish it undone_,
it could easily be so. The smudge on Kreisler’s back was a guarantee, and
did the trick in more ways than he had counted on. But in any case his
whole personality was a perfect alibi for the heart, to her thinking. At
the back of her head there may have been something in the form of a last
attempt here. With the salt of jealousy, and a really big row, could Tarr
perhaps he landed and secured even now?
In a moment, the point so gained, she pushed Kreisler more or less gently
away. It was like a stage-kiss. The needs of their respective rôles had
been satisfied. He kept his hands on her biceps. She was accomplishing
a soft withdrawal. They had stopped at a spot where the Boulevard
approached a more populous and lighted avenue. As they now stood a
distinct, yet strangely pausing, female voice struck their ears.
“Fräulein Lunken!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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