Accordingly I called to mind (as far as I was able) and practised all the expedients of which I had ever heard, besides others entirely original, for allaying this titillation. I rubbed the bridge of the nose; I would have slapped myself on the forehead, had I not feared the remedy would prove worse than the disease in respect of noise. I instituted experiments in "counter irritation," by pulling my hair, pinching my ear, and thus diverting attention from the rebellious organ; and finally I succeeded in subduing this refractory member. The uneasiness I felt lest, after all, I should be compelled to wake the echoes of the building, as well as other more tangible creations, were in some degree dispelled by several hearty snores which proceeded from the sleeper, and, like the guns which announce the arrival of a vessel in port, gave evidence that he had arrived in the land of dreams. Under the cover of this "_feu de joie_," I dispatched a cracker (not a fire-cracker) which I happened to have in my pocket, as my inner man began to feel the effects of my unwonted position and consequent weariness. At about midnight, a sudden peal of the bell, pulled by the mail carrier, at a back door, aroused the sleeper, who started up, went to the door and received the mail, and, after a little delay, returned to his bed, not, however, to sleep as quietly as before, as he often rolled over from side to side, occasionally uttering a groan. Having nothing better to do, I speculated on the cause of these phenomena. They might be owing, first, to heat, second, to a disordered stomach, or third, to an uneasy conscience. As to the first of these supposed causes, it seemed improbable that his recent visit to the door in a very airy costume, should have had any tendency to increase the animal heat; and as regarded the second theory, my knowledge of his dietetic habits was too limited to furnish me with data for anything like an argument. If his short delay at the door after receiving the mail bags, was produced by any cause for which conscience might properly goad him, the last hypothesis might be correct,--but on the whole I was obliged to follow the example of many profounder theorists, and confess that I didn't know much about the matter. [Illustration] A combination of the stomach and conscience suppositions, might be an adequate solution of the question, for the slender salary of a post-office clerk hardly sufficed for more than three meals a day, and the inference from these premises would be rather easy that a fourth must have been at the public expense.