Ten Years Among the Mail Bags: Or, Notes from the Diary of a Special Agent of the Post-Office DepartmentHolbrook, James
History
Ten Years Among the Mail Bags: Or, Notes from the Diary of a Special Agent of the Post-Office Department
Holbrook, James
Postal service -- United States
Observe how adroitly the cunning Joab aims his thrusts at the most
vulnerable spot in both classes of his victims. "Publishers of
newspapers," in the plenitude of Joab's generosity, are to have their
choice between the onion seeds, the gospel, and the ready cash, if
they will but make known to the world the incomparable qualities of
the genuine Spanish article. And many of these publishers "called
attention to the same" with a will, as the following copy of one of
those notices will show:--
"SOMETHING NEW FOR FARMERS AND GARDENERS.--See our advertising
columns. If you want _large onions_, get the real _Spanish_
seed--a change in the seed works wonders. We have seen bushels of
onions imported from Spain of half a pound weight each, and as
large as saucers."
It may be well to say here that no onion seeds, "Spanish" or other,
were sent in compliance with the many orders which poured in upon the
successful Sargent from all parts of the country, excepting that a few
of those first received were supposed to have been answered by the
sending of a few seeds of some kind, whether onion or grass, no one
knew. Perhaps the recipients will discover in the course of time. The
editors were equally unfortunate. Many of them selected the "Notes on
the Gospels" in preference to the seed or the money, yet their wishes
were not destined to be gratified.
Let us see how this tempting advertisement worked on the farmers and
gardeners.
Here is farmer Johnson, whose boy has just brought in his weekly paper
from the office, and who is proceeding to refresh himself after the
labors of the week, with the record of what the world at large has
been doing in the same time. He deliberately peruses the columns of
his hebdomadal, dwelling with solemnity on the more weighty articles,
and endeavoring to laugh over the funny ones, till, after having
exhausted the "reading" department, his eye goes on in search of new
advertisements, which he can distinguish at a glance, for he knows
all the old ones by heart. His attention is arrested by the
conspicuous heading, "SPANISH ONION SEEDS." He reads it over
carefully, and studies every word, that he may be sure that he fully
and correctly understands it; and then comparing it with the editorial
notice of the same thing, he rapidly becomes convinced that Spanish
onions must be great things, and that ten cents may be safely invested
in the speculation. Visions of saucer-like onions rise before him; of
prizes in Agricultural Exhibitions; and if he is an inhabitant of
Connecticut, he fancies he sees the former renown of the ancient town
of Pyquag, or Wethersfield, growing dim before the lustre of Spanish
onions. Accordingly he sends the required dime to Joab, who proved to
be like the elephant which had been trained to pick up coin from the
ground and place it on a lofty shelf. Upon a certain occasion, a young
gentleman was gratified by this performance, he having furnished a
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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