First: Helen no longer loved him. He didn't know why she didn't; but
then, neither had he, in former days, known why she did. Perhaps she had
just grown tired.... He wasn't blaming her, of course; it wasn't her
fault if she had no scrap of affection left for him. Very possibly it
was his fault, although she had never said so.... Where her affection
had gone to, he couldn't say--but he thought it hadn't gone to any other
man. The important thing to him was that _he_ no longer possessed it. He
had even, he said begun to feel that she actively disliked him, and that
something essential and unalterable in him got on her nerves.... Anyhow,
what was he to do? Obviously, as soon as he began to realize that she
might be happier with her freedom, he must find some way of giving it
her. And in law, of course, (as he of all people knew well enough) there
was only one way--the way that he had taken. "It isn't," he explained,
"that I'm particularly keen on her getting a divorce. It's just that I
want her to feel _free_. When I get home, I shall be able to say: Look
here, if you don't want me, or can't stand me, or even would rather be
without me, here's your grounds for divorce all neatly arranged and
documented, so that you can file your petition at once.... Incidentally,
there'll be no money difficulties--I've settled enough on her to keep
her comfortable, whatever she does."
"And you give it as your honest opinion," I said, "that she'll really be
happier divorced from you?"
"That's just what I don't know," he answered. "But I rather think she
will, and in any case, it's giving her a chance, isn't it? ... Besides,
there's my own side of the question. I should hate you to feel that I'm
a mere bundle of altruistic motives. I'm not.... As I used to impress on
you years ago, my code of morals is the very simple one of doing more or
less what I like. And one of the things I _don't_ like is being married
to a woman who thinks I'm a scoundrel for being such a great big ugly
success while so many other men are such divinely beautiful failures....
Understand?"
I nodded, but he said that he was sure I _didn't_ understand. I didn't
wish to argue the matter, in case Terry should recognize himself as one
of the divinely beautiful failures, so I said, rather curtly: "What I
can't understand is why you had to come out all the way here for--for
the purpose."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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