He was gone. The clang of the outer door spoke of his departure.
He was gone, and the dread struggle was past.
She came to herself like a dazed mariner flung ashore by the breakers,
hardly believing that the peril was over. A great weakness was upon her
and she knew that she could not stand against it. Of Rotherby’s very
existence at the moment she was unaware. Mechanically, gropingly, she
made her way to the settee before the stove and sank down upon it. She
was shivering violently.
The warmth came about her, and she stretched out her hands to it,
seeking its comfort, thankful for the physical relief of it, yet hardly
conscious of her surroundings.
“It is dead—it is dead!” she kept saying to herself over and over. “It
is quite—quite dead!”
But for a long time she could not bring herself to realize why she said
it or what it was that was dead.
At last by slow and painful degrees it began to dawn upon her that there
was a meaning to the words. Something was dead. Something had died by
her hand in that very room. What was it?
Now it came to her in all its immensity, crushing her down. She had
slain his love. She had killed her own romance. From that night onwards
he would never think of her again save with reviling and bitterness of
soul. She had taken that which was holy and flung it in the dust. She
had desecrated the perfect gift, had made a hideous travesty of that
high vision which had been vouchsafed to her. More, she had dragged the
man she loved down to the very gates of hell, and had made him know the
tortures of the damned.
The warmth was beginning to ease her exhausted body, but her spirit
found no comfort. Almost she preferred that numbness of all her
faculties. For the misery that was taking its place was more than she
could bear.
She still sat with her hands outstretched, but hot tears were rolling
down her face, unheeded, unchecked, the tears of a great despair.
“It is dead,” she said to herself over and over in the desolation of her
soul. “It is dead. It is dead.”
There came a voice behind her—Rotherby’s voice, and she started
slightly, remembering him. It was curious how little he counted now.
“Frances,” he said, and with her outer consciousness she noticed an odd
embarrassment in his tone and faintly wondered. “I’ve made a pretty poor
show of this. Don’t cry! You’re perfectly safe.”
“Am I crying?” she said, and put a hand to her face.
He came and sat beside her. “Listen!” he said “I’ve been a damned cad.
And you’re a topper. I never knew you had it in you—or any woman had
for the matter of that. There’s nothing I won’t do for you after this.
Understand?”
“I don’t want you to do anything,” she said wearily.
He made an odd sound as of some irony suppressed. “You’re nearly dead,”
he said. “So am I. Come and have supper! And trust me—will you trust
me?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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