“You have got to know—everything,” he said, and stopped where he had
stopped once before to gaze out between the Stones to the infinite
distance. “And you are to understand, Frances, that what has passed
between us now can be wiped out—as if it had never been, if you so
desire it. You know about—my sister Nan.” His voice dropped. “I can’t
talk about her even to you, except to tell you that you are somehow like
her. That was what made my father take to you. He didn’t take to any
strangers as a rule. Neither did I.” Again she was conscious of the
close holding of his arm, but he did not turn his eyes towards her. He
went sombrely on. “We gave up everything and came here because the
trouble over Nan had turned his brain. He wanted to tear across the
world and kill my cousin. So did I—once. But—my mother—well, you know
my mother. You realized long ago that all we did was for her sake. And
so—since so far as we knew, my father had only the one mania and was
sane on all other points—we came here. Nan’s baby was born here. We
settled down. My father never liked the life, but he got better. We
hoped his brain was recovering. Then—one winter night—the madness
broke out again. I was away on business. He got up in the early morning,
went to Nan’s room, and ordered her out of the house with her child. He
terrified her, and she went. The next morning she was found up by the
Stones in deep snow, dead. The child was living, but she was always a
weakling, and she lost her sight. My father had a seizure when he heard
that Nan was dead. In his delirium he told them what he had done. But
when he came to himself he had forgotten, and his distress over the loss
of Nan was heart-rending. Of course he ought to have been sent away. My
uncle, Theodore Rotherby, had urged it from the outset; but my poor
mother would not hear of it. And I—well, I hadn’t the heart to insist.
After that, I never left home again. Either Oliver or I kept guard day
and night. But except for occasional outbursts of unreasonable anger he
became much better, almost normal. He regarded me as his gaoler and
hated me, but he always worshipped my mother. I believe it would have
killed him to be parted from her. Better if it had perhaps, but—it’s
too late now. What I did, I did for the best.” He uttered a heavy sigh.
“It brutalized me. I couldn’t help it. It didn’t seem to matter. Nothing
ever mattered till you came. I was harsh with the girls, I was harsh
with everyone—except my mother. Life was so damnable. There were times
when the burden seemed past bearing. The perpetual strain, year in, year
out,—only God knows what it was.”
“I can guess,” whispered Frances.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account