But husband and wife remained standing in the entrance-hall. The old
lady saw Bernard open the door of the drawing-room, stand aside for
Thérèse, and disappear after her. If she had not been deaf, she would
have done a little eavesdropping ... but there was nothing to fear from
her, buried, as she was, alive. She put out her candle, however, went
downstairs again, and looked through the keyhole. Bernard was moving a
lamp: his face was fully in the light, and he looked both nervous and
solemn. The aunt saw the back of Thérèse seated; she had thrown her
toque and mantle on to an arm-chair: her wet shoes were steaming in
front of the fire. For one instant she turned her head to her husband
and the old lady was glad to see she was smiling.
* * * * *
Thérèse was smiling. In the brief interval of space and time between
the stable and the house, walking at Bernard’s side, she suddenly saw,
or thought she saw, what she ought to do. The mere proximity of the
man had destroyed her hope of explaining herself, or of giving him
her confidence. How we distort the creatures we know best as soon as
they are no longer there! During the whole of this journey, she had
unconsciously been trying to create an image of a Bernard capable of
understanding her;--but at the first glance he appeared to her just
as he really was, one who had never once in his life put himself in
another’s place; one who had never made the effort to get outside
himself to see what his opponent was seeing. Indeed, would Bernard even
listen to her? He paced the long, low, damp room, and the flooring,
which was rotting here and there, creaked beneath his steps. He did
not look at his wife,--he was bursting with a speech he had long
since prepared. And Thérèse, too, knew what she was going to say. The
simplest solution is always the one we never think of. She would say,
‘I am going to disappear, Bernard. Don’t worry about me. I will go out
into the night at once, if you like. I am not afraid of the forest or
the darkness. They know me: we know each other. I was created in the
image of this arid land in which nothing lives except the birds that
pass over it and stray wild boars. I consent to my expulsion; burn all
my photographs; let even my daughter no longer know my name, let me be
in the eyes of the family as if I had never been.’
And Thérèse opened her mouth, and said, “Let me disappear, Bernard.”
At the sound of her voice Bernard turned. He hurried back from the far
end of the room, the veins of his face swollen:
“What,” he stuttered, “do you dare to express an opinion? Not another
word! Your business is to listen, to receive my orders and obey what I
shall decide once and for all.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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