Shall I be misunderstood if I own that I was very sorry to hear that an
Englishman and a man of title was amongst the company? Whatever favor
foreigners might extend to any small accomplishments I could lay claim
to, I well knew would not compensate in my countryman's eyes for my want
of station. In my father's house I had often had occasion to remark
that while Englishmen freely admitted the advances of a foreigner, and
accepted his acquaintance with a courteous readiness, with each other
they maintained a cold and studied reserve; as though no difference of
place or circumstance was to obliterate that insular code which defines
class, and limits each man to the exact rank he belongs to.
When they shall see, therefore, thought I, how my titled countryman
will treat me,--the distance at which he will hold me, and the measured
firmness with which he will repel, not my familiarities, for I should
not dare them, but simply the ease of my manner,--these foreigners will
be driven to regard me as some ignoble upstart who has no pretension
whatever to be amongst them. I was very unwilling to encounter this
humiliation. It was true I was not sailing under false colors. I had
assumed no pretensions from which I was now to retreat. I had nothing
to disown or disavow; but still I was about to be the willing guest of
a society, to a place in which in my own country I could not have the
faintest pretension; and it was just possible that my countryman might
bring this fact before me.
He might do worse,--he might question me as to who and what I was; nor
was I very sure how my tact or my temper might carry me through such an
ordeal.
Would it not be wiser and better for me to avoid this peril? Should
I not spare myself much mortification and much needless pain? Thus
thinking, I resolved to wait on the Countess at once, and explain
frankly why I felt obliged to decline the gracious courtesy she had
extended to me, and refuse an honor so full of pleasure and of pride.
She was not alone as I entered,--the Countess Palfi was with her,--and
I scarcely knew how to approach my theme in presence of a third person.
With a bold effort, however, I told what I had come for; not very
collectedly, indeed, nor perhaps very intelligibly, but in such a way as
to convey that I had not courage to face what might look at least like
a false position, and was almost sure to entail all the unpleasant
relations of such. “In fact, Madam,” said I, “I am nobody; and in my
country men of rank never associate with nobodies, even by an
accident. My Lord would not forgive you for throwing him into such
acquaintanceship, and I should never forgive myself for having caused
you the unpleasantness. I don't imagine I have made my meaning very
clear.”
“You have certainly made me very uncomfortable,” broke in Countess
Hunyadi, thoughtfully. “I thought that we Hungarians had rather strict
notions on these subjects, but these of your country leave them miles
behind.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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