The £1,000,000 bank-note, and other new storiesTwain, Mark
General
The £1,000,000 bank-note, and other new stories
Twain, Mark
American essays -- 19th century; American fiction -- 19th century; Humorous stories, American
The Admiral has breakfasted alone, in state: bacon, beans, and gin; at
noon he dines alone in state: bacon, beans, and gin; at six he sups
alone in state: bacon, beans, and gin; at 11 P.M. he takes a night
relish, alone, in state: bacon, beans, and gin. At none of these orgies
is there any music; the ship-orchestra is modern. After his final meal
he returned thanks for his many blessings, a little over-rating their
value, perhaps, and then he laid off his silken splendours or his gilded
hardware, and turned in, in his little coffin-bunk, and blew out his
flickering stencher, and began to refresh his lungs with inverted sighs
freighted with the rich odours of rancid oil and bilgewater. The sighs
returned as snores, and then the rats and the cockroaches swarmed out in
brigades and divisions and army corps and had a circus all over him.
Such was the daily life of the great discoverer in his marine basket
during several historic weeks; and the difference between his ship and
his comforts and ours is visible almost at a glance.
When he returned, the King of Spain, marvelling, said—as history
records:
‘This ship seems to be leaky. Did she leak badly?’
‘You shall judge for yourself, sire. I pumped the Atlantic Ocean through
her sixteen times on the passage.’
This is General Horace Porter’s account. Other authorities say fifteen.
It can be shown that the differences between that ship and the one I am
writing these historical contributions in, are in several respects
remarkable. Take the matter of decoration, for instance. I have been
looking around again, yesterday and to-day, and have noted several
details which I conceive to have been absent from Columbus’s ship, or at
least slurred over and not elaborated and perfected. I observe
state-room doors three inches thick, of solid oak, and polished. I note
companionway vestibules with walls, doors, and ceilings panelled in
polished hard-woods, some light, some dark, all dainty and delicate
joiner-work, and yet every joint compact and tight; with beautiful
pictures inserted, composed of blue tiles—some of the pictures
containing as many as sixty tiles—and the joinings of those tiles
perfect. These are daring experiments. One would have said that the
first time the ship went straining and labouring through a storm-tumbled
sea those tiles would gape apart and drop out. That they have not done
so is evidence that the joiner’s art has advanced a good deal since the
days when ships were so shackly that when a giant sea gave them a wrench
the doors came unbolted. I find the walls of the dining-saloon
upholstered with mellow pictures wrought in tapestry, and the ceiling
aglow with pictures done in oil. In other places of assembly I find
great panels filled with embossed Spanish leather, the figures rich with
gilding and bronze. Everywhere I find sumptuous masses of colour—colour,
colour, colour—colour all about, colour of every shade and tint and
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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