The £1,000,000 bank-note, and other new storiesTwain, Mark
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The £1,000,000 bank-note, and other new stories
Twain, Mark
American essays -- 19th century; American fiction -- 19th century; Humorous stories, American
So recent is this change from a three or four thousand year twilight to
the flash and glare of open day that I have walked in both, and yet am
not old. Nothing is to-day as it was when I was an urchin; but when I
was an urchin, nothing was much different from what it had always been
in this world. Take a single detail, for example—medicine. Galen could
have come into my sick-room at any time during my first seven years—I
mean any day when it wasn’t fishing weather, and there wasn’t any choice
but school or sickness—and he could have sat down there and stood my
doctor’s watch without asking a question. He would have smelt around
among the wilderness of cups and bottles and phials on the table and the
shelves, and missed not a stench that used to glad him two thousand
years before, nor discovered one that was of a later date. He would have
examined me, and run across only one disappointment—I was already
salivated; I would have him there; for I was always salivated, calomel
was so cheap. He would get out his lancet then; but I would have him
again; our family doctor didn’t allow blood to accumulate in the system.
However, he could take dipper and ladle, and freight me up with old
familiar doses that had come down from Adam to his time and mine; and he
could go out with a wheelbarrow and gather weeds and offal, and build
some more, while those others were getting in their work. And if our
reverend doctor came and found him there, he would be dumb with awe, and
would get down and worship him. Whereas, if Galen should appear among us
to-day, he could not stand anybody’s watch; he would inspire no awe; he
would be told he was a back number, and it would surprise him to see
that that fact counted against him, instead of in his favour. He
wouldn’t know our medicines; he wouldn’t know our practice; and the
first time he tried to introduce his own, we would hang him.
This introduction brings me to my literary relic. It is a _Dictionary of
Medicine_, by Dr. James, of London, assisted by Mr. Boswell’s Doctor
Samuel Johnson, and is a hundred and fifty years old, it having been
published at the time of the rebellion of ‘45. If it had been sent
against the Pretender’s troops there probably wouldn’t have been a
survivor. In 1861 this deadly book was still working the cemeteries—down
in Virginia. For three generations and a half it had been going quietly
along, enriching the earth with its slain. Up to its last free day it
was trusted and believed in, and its devastating advice taken, as was
shown by notes inserted between its leaves. But our troops captured it
and brought it home, and it has been out of business since. These
remarks from its preface are in the true spirit of the olden time,
sodden with worship of the old, disdain of the new:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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