The £1,000,000 bank-note, and other new storiesTwain, Mark
General
The £1,000,000 bank-note, and other new stories
Twain, Mark
American essays -- 19th century; American fiction -- 19th century; Humorous stories, American
In the steamer ‘Batavia,’ twenty years ago, one candle set in the
bulkhead between two state-rooms was there to light both rooms, but did
not light either of them. It was extinguished at eleven at night, and so
were all the saloon lamps, except one or two, which were left burning to
help the passenger see how to break his neck trying to get around in the
dark. The passengers sat at table on long benches made of the hardest
kind of wood; in the ‘Havel’ one sits on a swivel chair with a cushioned
back to it. In those old times the dinner bill of fare was always the
same: a pint of some simple, homely soup or other, boiled codfish and
potatoes, slab of boiled beef; stewed prunes for dessert—on Sundays ‘dog
in a blanket,’ on Thursdays ‘plum duff.’ In the modern ship the _menu_
is choice and elaborate, and is changed daily. In the old times dinner
was a sad occasion; in our day a concealed orchestra enlivens it with
charming music. In the old days the decks were always wet; in our day
they are usually dry, for the promenade-deck is roofed over, and a sea
seldom comes aboard. In a moderately disturbed sea, in the old days, a
landsman could hardly keep his legs, but in such a sea in our day, the
decks are as level as a table. In the old days the inside of a ship was
the plainest and barrenest thing, and the most dismal and uncomfortable,
that ingenuity could devise; the modern ship is a marvel of rich and
costly decoration and sumptuous appointment, and is equipped with every
comfort and convenience that money can buy. The old ships had no place
of assembly but the dining-room; the new ones have several spacious and
beautiful drawing-rooms. The old ships offered the passenger no chance
to smoke except in the place that was called the ‘fiddle.’ It was a
repulsive den made of rough boards (full of cracks), and its office was
to protect the main hatch. It was grimy and dirty; there were no seats;
the only light was a lamp of the rancid-oil-and-rag kind; the place was
very cold, and never dry, for the seas broke in through the cracks every
little while and drenched the cavern thoroughly. In the modern ship
there are three or four large smoking-rooms, and they have card tables
and cushioned sofas, and are heated by steam and lighted by electricity.
There are few European hotels with such smoking-rooms.
The former ships were built of wood, and had two or three water-tight
compartments in the hold with doors in them, which were often left open,
particularly when the ship was going to hit a rock. The modern leviathan
is built of steel, and the water-tight bulkheads have no doors in them;
they divide the ship into nine or ten water-tight compartments and endow
her with as many lives as a cat. Their complete efficiency was
established by the happy results following the memorable accident to the
‘City of Paris’ a year or two ago.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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