Humorous stories, American; Short stories, American; United States -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
WEDNESDAY.--Built me a shelter against the rain, but could not have it
to myself in peace. The new creature intruded. When I tried to put it
out it shed water out of the holes it looks with, and wiped it away with
the back of its paws, and made a noise such as some of the other animals
make when they are in distress. I wish it would not talk; it is always
talking. That sounds like a cheap fling at the poor creature, a slur;
but I do not mean it so. I have never heard the human voice before, and
any new and strange sound intruding itself here upon the solemn hush of
these dreaming solitudes offends my ear and seems a false note. And this
new sound is so close to me; it is right at my shoulder, right at my
ear, first on one side and then on the other, and I am used only to
sounds that are more or less distant from me.
FRIDAY. The naming goes recklessly on, in spite of anything I can do.
I had a very good name for the estate, and it was musical and
pretty--_Garden Of Eden._ Privately, I continue to call it that, but not
any longer publicly. The new creature says it is all woods and rocks and
scenery, and therefore has no resemblance to a garden. Says it
_looks _like a park, and does not look like anything _but _a park.
Consequently, without consulting me, it has been new-named _Niagara
Falls Park_. This is sufficiently high-handed, it seems to me. And
already there is a sign up:
KEEP OFF THE GRASS
My life is not as happy as it was.
SATURDAY.--The new creature eats too much fruit. We are going to run
short, most likely. “We” again--that is _its_ word; mine, too, now, from
hearing it so much. Good deal of fog this morning. I do not go out in
the fog myself. This new creature does. It goes out in all weathers,
and stumps right in with its muddy feet. And talks. It used to be so
pleasant and quiet here.
SUNDAY.--Pulled through. This day is getting to be more and more trying.
It was selected and set apart last November as a day of rest. I had
already six of them per week before. This morning found the new creature
trying to clod apples out of that forbidden tree.
MONDAY.--The new creature says its name is Eve. That is all right, I
have no objections. Says it is to call it by, when I want it to come.
I said it was superfluous, then. The word evidently raised me in its
respect; and indeed it is a large, good word and will bear repetition.
It says it is not an It, it is a She. This is probably doubtful; yet it
is all one to me; what she is were nothing to me if she would but go by
herself and not talk.
TUESDAY.--She has littered the whole estate with execrable names and
offensive signs:
This way to the Whirlpool
This way to Goat Island
Cave of the Winds this way
She says this park would make a tidy summer resort if there was any
custom for it. Summer resort--another invention of hers--just words,
without any meaning. What is a summer resort? But it is best not to ask
her, she has such a rage for explaining.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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