The Abandoned Farmers: His Humorous Account of a Retreat from the City to the FarmCobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
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The Abandoned Farmers: His Humorous Account of a Retreat from the City to the Farm
Cobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
Farms -- Recreational use -- United States -- Fiction; Humorous stories
“Of course it would,” Brother Pounce would say. “Next to giving a vista
through, cutting out the hall is the principal idea I had in mind. What
do you want with a hall here? For that matter, what do you want with a
hall any place that you can get along without it? Why, my dear people,
don't you know that hallways are no earthly good except to catch dust
and be drafty and make extra work for servants? And besides, in modern
houses people are cutting the hallways down to a minimum--to an absolute
minimum.”
We gathered that in a modern house--and, of course, a modern house was
what we devoutly craved to own--persons going from one part of it to
another didn't pass through a hall any more; they passed through a
minimum. The idea seemed rather revolutionary to persons reared--as we
had been--in houses with halls in them. Still, this person spoke as one
having authority and we would listen with due respect to his words as he
went on:
“All right, then, we'll consider the hallway as chopped out. By chopping
it out that gives us a chance to put the dining room here in this place
and give a vista through into the living room. Here, I'll show you
exactly what I mean--what did I do with my lead pencil? Because no
matter what else you do or do not have, you must have a vista through.”
Before he had finished with this alteration and taken up with the next
one we were made to understand that a house without a vista through
was substantially the same as no house at all. Ashamed that we had been
guilty of so gross an oversight, I would make a note, “Vista through,”
on a scratch pad which I kept for that very purpose. Under the spell
of his eloquence and compelling personality, I had already decided that
first we would build a vista through, and then after that if any money
was left we would sort of flank the vista through with bedrooms and a
kitchen and other things of a comparatively incidental nature.
Having scored this important point, the king of the pouncers--now
warming to his work and with his eyes feverishly lit by the enthusiasm
of the zealot--would proceed to claw the quivering giblets out of
another section of our plan. Hark to him: “And say, see here now, how
about your sun parlor? I can see two--no, three places suitable for
tacking on a sun parlor merely by moving some walls round and putting
the main entrance at the east front instead of the south front--funny
the architect didn't think of that! He should have thought of that the
very first thing if he calls himself a regular architect--and I suppose
he does. What's the idea, leaving off the sun parlor?”
Then weakly, with an inner sinking of the heart, we would confess that
we had not calculated on including any sun parlors in the general scope
and he for his part would proceed to show us how deadly an omission, how
grievous an offense this would be.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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