The Abandoned Farmers: His Humorous Account of a Retreat from the City to the FarmCobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
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The Abandoned Farmers: His Humorous Account of a Retreat from the City to the Farm
Cobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
Farms -- Recreational use -- United States -- Fiction; Humorous stories
After a season of debate, compromise and conciliation, when the gray
in his hair had perceptibly thickened and the lines in his face had
deepened, though still he wore his chronic patient smile which makes
strangers like him, the final specifications were blue-printed and the
work was started. A lady to whom I have the honor of being very closely
related by marriage removed the first shovel load of loam from the
contemplated excavation. She is not what you would call a fancy shoveler
and the net result of her labor, I should say offhand, was about
a heaping dessert-spoonful of topsoil. Had I guessed what that
inconsequential pinch of earth would subsequently mean to us in joy I
should have put it in a snuffbox and carried it about with me as the
first tangible souvenir of a great accomplishment and a reminder to
me never again to look slightingly upon small things. Bulk does not
necessarily imply ultimate achievement. If Tom Thumb had been two feet
taller and eighteen inches broader than he was I doubt whether he would
amounted to much as a dwarf.
Well, we reared the foundations and then one fine April morning our
country abandoned its policy of watchful waiting for one of swatful
hating. While we were at war it did not seem patriotic to try to go
ahead. There was another reason--a variety of reasons rather. Very
soon labor was not to be had, or materials either. Take the detail of
concrete. Now that the last war is over and the next war not as yet
started, I violate no confidence and betray no trust in stating that
one of our chief military secrets had to do with this seemingly harmless
product. We were shooting concrete at the Germans. In large quantities
it was fatal; in small, mussy. And while the Germans were digging the
gummy stuff out of their eyes and their hair our fellows would swarm
over the top and capture them. And if you are not sure that I am telling
the exact truth regarding this I only wish you had tried during active
hostilities--as I did--to buy a few jorums and noggins of concrete.
Trying would have made a true believer of you, too. And the same might
be said for steel girders and cow hair to put into plaster so it will
stick, and ten-penny nails. We were firing all these things at the
enemy. It must have disconcerted him terribly to be expecting high
explosives and have a keg of ten-penny nails or a bale of cow hair burst
in his midst. Without desire to detract from the glory of the other
branches of the service, I am of the opinion that it was ten-penny nails
that won the war. And in bringing about this splendid result I did my
share by not buying any in large amount for going on eighteen months.
I couldn't.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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