The Abandoned Farmers: His Humorous Account of a Retreat from the City to the FarmCobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
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The Abandoned Farmers: His Humorous Account of a Retreat from the City to the Farm
Cobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
Farms -- Recreational use -- United States -- Fiction; Humorous stories
Practically all our little group specialize. We go in for some line that
is absolutely guaranteed to be profitable until the expense becomes too
great for a person of limited means any longer to bear up under. Then
we drop that and specialize in another line, also recommended as being
highly lucrative, for so long as we can afford it; and then we tackle
something else again. It is a never-ending round of new experiences,
because no matter how disastrously one's most recent experiment has
turned out the agricultural weeklies are constantly holding forth the
advantages of a field as yet new and untried and morally insured to
be one that will yield large and nourishing dividends. It is my sober
conviction that the most inspired fiction writers in America--the men
with the most buoyant imaginations--are the regular contributors to
our standard agricultural journals. And next to them the most gifted
romancers are the fellows who sell bulbs and seeds. They are not
fabulists exactly, because fables have morals and frequently these
persons have none, but they are inspired fancifiers, I'll tell the
world.
Each succeeding season finds each family among us embarking upon some
new and fascinating venture. For instance, I have one friend who this
year went in for bees--Italian bees, I think he said they were, though
why he should have been prejudiced against the native-born variety I
cannot understand. He used to drop in at our place to borrow a little
cooking soda--he was constantly running out of cooking soda at his house
owing to using so much of it on his face and hands and his neck for
poulticing purposes--and tell us what charming creatures bees were and
how much honey he expected to lay by that fall. From what he said we
gathered that the half had never been told by Maeterlinck about the
engaging personal habits and captivating tribal customs of bees;
bees, we gathered, were, as a race, perhaps a trifle quicktempered and
hot-headed, or if not exactly hotheaded at least hot elsewhere, but ever
ready to forgive and forget and, once the heat of passion had passed,
to let bygones be bygones. A bee, it seemed from his accounts, was one
creature that always stood ready to meet you halfway.
He finally gave up bee culture though, not because his enthusiasm had
waned, for it did not, but for professional reasons solely. He is a
distinguished actor and when he got the leading rôle in a new play it
broke in on his study of the part to be dropping the manuscript every
few minutes and grabbing up a tin dish and running out in an endeavor,
by the power of music, to induce a flock of swarming bees to rehive
themselves, or whatever it is bees are supposed to do when favored with
a pie-pan solo. It seemed his bees had a perfect mania for swarming.
The least little thing would set them off. There must have been too much
artistic temperament about the premises for such emotional and flighty
creatures as bees appear to be.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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