The Abandoned Farmers: His Humorous Account of a Retreat from the City to the FarmCobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
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The Abandoned Farmers: His Humorous Account of a Retreat from the City to the Farm
Cobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
Farms -- Recreational use -- United States -- Fiction; Humorous stories
We have another neighbor who has gone in rather extensively for blooded
stock with the intention ultimately of producing butter and milk for
the city market. During practically all his active life he has been a
successful theatrical manager, which naturally qualifies him for the cow
business. He is doing very well at it too. So long as he continues to
enjoy successful theatrical seasons he feels that he will be able to go
on with cows. Being a shrewd and far seeing business man he has it all
figured out that a minimum of three substantial enduring hits every
autumn will justify him in maintaining his herd at its present
proportions, whereas with four shows on Broadway all playing to capacity
he might even increase it to the extent of investing in a few more head
of registered thoroughbred stock.
From him I have gleaned much regarding cows. Before, the life of a cow
fancier had been to me as a closed book. Generally speaking, cows, so
far as my personal knowledge went, were divided roughly into regular
cows running true to sex, and the other kind of cows, which were
invariably referred to with a deep blush by old-fashioned maiden ladies.
True enough, we owned cows during the earlier stages of our rural life;
in fact, we own one now, a mild-eyed creature originally christened
Buttercup but called by us Sahara because of her prevalent habits. But
gentle bone-dry Sahara is just a plain ordinary cow of undistinguished
ancestry. In the preceding generations of her line scandal after scandal
must have occurred; were she a bagpipe solo instead of a cow scarcely
could she have in her more mixed strains than she has. We acquired her
at a bargain in an auction sale; she is a bargain to any one desiring a
cow of settled and steady habits, regular at her meals, always with an
unfailing appetite and having a deep far-reaching voice. There is also
an expectation that some future day we may also derive from her milk.
However, this contingency rests, as one might say, upon the laps of the
gods.
The point I am getting at though is that Sahara, whatever else of merit
she may possess in the matters of a kind disposition and a willingness
to eat whatever is put before her, is after all but a mere common
country-bred cow; whereas the cows whose society my wealthy neighbor
cultivates are the pedigreed aristocrats of their breed, and for buying
and selling purposes are valued accordingly. Why, from the way the
proprietors of registered cows brag about their ancient lineage and
their blue-blooded forbears you might think they were all from South
Carolina or Massachusetts--the cows, I mean, not necessarily the
proprietors.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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