‘DEAR SIR,—I take the first leisure hour I could command, to thank you
for your letter and the copy of verses enclosed in it. As there is real
poetic merit, I mean both fancy and tenderness, and some happy
expressions, in them, I think they well deserve that you should revise
them carefully and polish them to the utmost. This I am sure you can do
if you please, for you have great command both of expression and of
rhymes; and you may judge, from the two last pieces of Mrs Hunter’s
poetry that I gave you, how much correctness and high polish enhance the
value of such compositions. As you desire it, I shall with great freedom
give you my _most rigorous_ criticisms on your verses. I wish you would
give me another edition of them, much amended, and I will send it to Mrs
Hunter, who, I am sure, will have much pleasure in reading it. Pray give
me likewise for myself, and her too, a copy (as much amended as you
please) of the “Waterfowl on Loch Turit.”
‘The “Wounded Hare” is a pretty good subject, but the measure or stanza
you have chosen for it is not a good one: it does not _flow_ well; and
the rhyme of the fourth line is almost lost by its distance from the
first, and the two interposed, close rhymes. If I were you I would put
it into a different stanza yet.
‘Stanza 1.—The execrations in the first two lines are too strong or
coarse, but they may pass. “Murder-aiming” is a bad compound epithet and
not very intelligible. “Blood-stained” in Stanza III. line 4 has the
same fault: _Bleeding_ bosom is infinitely better. You have accustomed
yourself to such epithets and have no notion how stiff and quaint they
appear to others and how incongruous with poetic fancy and tender
sentiments. Suppose Pope had written “Why that bloodstained bosom gored”
how would you have liked it? _Form_ is neither a poetic nor a dignified
nor a plain common word: it is a mere sportsman’s word: unsuitable to
pathetic or serious poetry.
“Mangled” is a coarse word. “Innocent,” in this sense, is a nursery
word; but both may pass.
‘Stanza 4. “Who will now provide that life a mother only can bestow”
will not do at all: it is not grammar—it is not intelligible. Do you
mean “provide for that life which the mother had bestowed and used to
provide for?” There was a ridiculous slip of the pen, “Feeling” (I
suppose) for “Fellow,” in the title of your copy of the verses; but even
“fellow” would be wrong: it is but a colloquial and vulgar word,
unsuitable to your sentiments. “Shot” is improper too. On seeing a
_person_ (or a sportsman) wound a hare: it is needless to add with what
weapon; but if you think otherwise, you should say with a
_fowling-piece_. Let me see you when you come to town, and I will shew
you some more of Mrs Hunter’s poems.’
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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