"They don't know, these captains, they don't know what a life I have been leading, waiting here--the only central point of the Mediterranean, where it is safe to have Their Majesties--for one contrary and disheartening report after another to reach me. If I were Commander-in-chief, with plenty of ships to send where they were wanted, it would be another thing; but it is only the bad seamanship of the French which saves them from annihilating us. With a force too great for us if we had all our fleet together, they let us be scattered in threes and fours without falling on us. But think of the anxiety of me, who am responsible! "And yet they would have it that I am doing nothing, trifling away my time with Emma, because they knew what hosts Sir William and she were at Naples, what _fêtes_ and water-_fêtes_ and banquets and balls and expeditions to see antiquities they provided for us in one unending stream. They should understand that there is nothing of this here; that the Hamiltons are themselves but strangers in the place, and that I am a prisoner to my secretary, while the whole fate of the Mediterranean hangs on me. I cannot tell how I should get through it all if it were not for my good Emma, who is always equable, always cheerful, and has such a soothing touch when I am worn out, body and mind. Though, if I had had such a wife ... but what if I had?--it would have been 'the uxorious Admiral Nelson.' With the fault-finding Troubridge, my _friend_ Troubridge, it would have been, 'What does Lord Nelson want with his wife out here, when every minute may mean action?' There is no pleasing these people. "The dear good Emma is invaluable to me: she and dear Sir William make a home for me, to which I can creep and hide when I am done to death with worries. She will deny me to people when they come to tell me the same tale--it is always the same tale--that the Emperor, Acton, the Russians, Sir Sidney Smith, the Bey, the Grand Signor, they are all of them doing nothing or worse than nothing, and Ball is helpless without even food from Sicily for the Maltese. Why should I have to listen to them every hour of the day? The Grand Signor is the best of them, and he is a mule ridden by those crafty Russians, who are playing the deep game. "Is it to be wondered at that I sometimes try and escape from all this? My ships are ready to sail at an hour's notice, and I have written and written to Mr. Duckworth to get him to quit Minorca, which leads to nothing, and come to me, where there is a kingdom and the fate of our fleet hanging in the balance. And yet they chide me because I try and keep from breaking down by letting Emma nurse my strength.