The Adventures of Harry Richmond — CompleteMeredith, George
General
The Adventures of Harry Richmond — Complete
Meredith, George
Adventure and adventurers -- Fiction
I was humming the burden of Göthe's Zigeunerlied, a favourite one with
me whenever I had too much to think of, or nothing. A low rush of sound
from the hall-doorway swung me on my heel, and I saw her standing with
a silver lamp raised in her right hand to the level of her head, as if
she expected to meet obscurity. A thin blue Indian scarf muffled her
throat and shoulders. Her hair was loosely knotted. The lamp's full
glow illumined and shadowed her. She was like a statue of Twilight.
I went up to her quickly, and closed the door, saying, 'You have come';
my voice was not much above a breath.
She looked distrustfully down the length of the room; 'You were
speaking to some one?'
'No.'
'You were speaking.'
'To myself, then, I suppose.'
I remembered and repeated the gipsy burden.
She smiled faintly and said it was the hour for Anna and Ursel and Kith
and Liese to be out.
Her hands were gloved, a small matter to tell of.
We heard the portico-sentinel challenged and relieved.
'Midnight,' I said.
She replied: 'You were not definite in your directions about the
minutes.'
'I feared to name midnight.'
'Why?'
'Lest the appointment of midnight—I lose my knowledge of you!—should
make you reflect, frighten you. You see, I am inventing a reason; I
really cannot tell why, if it was not that I hoped to have just those
few minutes more of you. And now they're gone. I would not have asked
you but that I thought you free to act.'
'I am.'
'And you come freely?'
'A “therefore” belongs to every grant of freedom.'
'I understand: your judgement was against it.'
'Be comforted,' she said; 'it is your right to bid me come, if you
think fit.'
One of the sofa-volumes fell. She caught her breath; and smiled at her
foolish alarm.
I told her that it was my intention to start for England in the
morning; that this was the only moment I had, and would be the last
interview: my rights, if I possessed any, and I was not aware that I
did, I threw down.
'You throw down one end of the chain,' she said.
'In the name of heaven, then,' cried I, 'release yourself.'
She shook her head. 'That is not my meaning.'
Note the predicament of a lover who has a piece of dishonesty lurking
in him. My chilled self-love had certainly the right to demand the
explanation of her coldness, and I could very well guess that a word or
two drawn from the neighbourhood of the heart would fetch a warmer
current to unlock the ice between us, but feeling the coldness I
complained of to be probably a suspicion, I fixed on the suspicion as a
new and deeper injury done to my loyal love for her, and armed against
that I dared not take an initiative for fear of unexpectedly justifying
it by betraying myself.
Yet, supposing her inclination to have become diverted, I was ready
frankly to release her with one squeeze of hands, and take all the
pain, and I said: 'Pray, do not speak of chains.'
'But they exist. Things cannot be undone for us two by words.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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