Mr. Pucker waxed, if possible, redder and hotter than before[,] he
gasped like a fish out of water; and, like Dryden's prince, "unable
to conceal his pain," he
"Sigh'd and look'd, sigh'd and look'd,
Sigh'd and look'd, and sigh'd again."
But all was to no purpose: he was unable to frame an answer to Mr.
Fosbrooke's questions.
"Ah, sir," continued his tormentor, "I see that you will not do for
us yet awhile, and I am therefore under the painful necessity of
rejecting you. I should advise you, sir, to read hard for another
twelvemonths, and endeavour to master those subjects in which you
have now failed. For, a young man, Mr. Pucker, who knows nothing
about the Fourth Punic War, and the constitution of ancient
Heliopolis, is quite unfit to be enrolled among the members of such a
learned college as Brazenface. Mr. Pluckem quite coincides with me
in this decision." (Here Mr. Verdant Green gave a Burleigh nod.)
"We feel very sorry for you, Mr. Pucker, and also for your
unfortunate family; but we recommend you to add to your present stock
of knowledge, and to keep those visiting-cards for another
twelvemonth." And Mr. Fosbrooke and our hero - disregarding poor Mr.
Pucker's entreaties that they would consider his pa and ma, and would
please to matriculate him this once, and he would read very hard,
indeed he would - turned to Mr. Bouncer and gave some private
instructions, which caused that gentleman immediately to vanish, and
seek out Mr. Robert Filcher.
Five minutes after, that excellent Scout met the dejected Mr. Pucker
as he was crossing the Quad on his way from Mr. Fosbrooke's rooms.
"Beg your pardon, sir," said Mr. Filcher, touching his forehead; for,
as Mr. Filcher, after the manner of his tribe, never was seen in a
head-covering, he was unable to raise his hat or cap; "beg your
pardon, sir! but was you a lookin' for the party as examines the
young gents for their matrickylation?"
[AN OXFORD FRESHMAN 133]
"Eh?-no! I have just come from him," replied Mr. Pucker, dolefully.
"Beg your pardon, sir," remarked Mr. Filcher, "but his rooms ain't
that way at all. Mr. Slowcoach, as is the party you ~ought~ to have
seed, has ~his~ rooms quite in a hopposite direction, sir; and he's
the honly party as examines the matrickylatin' gents."
"But I ~have~ been examined," observed Mr. Pucker, with the
<VG133.JPG> air of a plucked man; "and I am sorry to say that I was
rejected, and" -
"I dessay, sir," interrupted Mr. Filcher; "but I think it's a 'oax,
sir!"
"A what?" stammered Mr. Pucker.
"A 'oax - a sell;" replied the Scout confidentially. "You see, sir,
I think some of the gents have been makin' a little game of you, sir;
they often does with fresh parties like you, sir, that seem fresh and
hinnocent like; and I dessay they've been makin' believe to examine
you, sir, and a pretendin' that you wasn't clever enough. But they
don't mean no harm, sir; it's only their play, bless you!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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