On the same side of the wagon, but at its upper and safer end, was
seated Mr. Bouncer, who was not slow to perceive that a very slight
~accident~ would destroy Mr. Poletiss's equilibrium; and the little
gentleman's fertile brain speedily concocted a plan, which he
forthwith communicated to Miss Fanny Green, who sat next to him. It
was this:- that when they were plunging through the brook, and every
one was swaying to and fro, and was thrown off their balance, Mr.
Bouncer should take advantage of the critical moment, and (by
accident, of course!) give Miss Fanny Green a heavy push; this would
drive her against her next neighbour, Miss Patty Honeywood; who, from
the recoil, would literally be precipitated into the arms of Mr.
Verdant Green, who would be pushed against Miss Letitia Jane Morkin,
who would be driven against her sister, who would be propelled
against Mr. Poletiss, and thus give him that ~coup de grace~, which,
as Mr. Bouncer hoped, would have the effect of quietly tumbling him
out of the wagon, and partially ducking him in the brook. "It won't
hurt him," said the little gentleman; "it'll do him good. The brook
ain't deep, and a bath will be pleasant such a day as this. He can
dry his clothes at the inn, and get some steaming toddy, if he's
afraid of catching cold. And it will be such a lark to see him in
the water. Perhaps Miss Morkin will take a header, and plunge in to
save him; and he will promise her his hand, and a medal from the
Humane Society! The wagon will be sure to give a heavy lurch as we
come up out of the brook, and what so natural as that we should all
be jolted, against each other?" It is not necessary to state whether
or no Miss Fanny Green seconded or opposed Mr. Bouncer's motion;
suffice it to say that it was carried out.
They had reached the brook. Miss Morkin was exclaiming, "Oh, dear!
here's another of those dreadful brooks - the last, I hope, for I
always feel so timid at water, and I never bathe at the sea-side
without shutting my eyes and being pushed into it by the old woman -
and, my goodness! here we are, and I feel convinced that we shall all
be thrown in by those dreadful wagoners, who are quite tipsy I'm sure
- don't you think so, Mr. Poletiss?"
But, ere Mr. Poletiss could meekly respond, the horses had been
quickened into a trot, the wagon had gone down into the brook -
through it - and was bounding up the opposite side - everybody was
holding tightly to anything that came nearest to hand - when, at that
fatal moment, little Mr. Bouncer gave the preconcerted push, which
was passed on, unpremeditatedly, from one to another, until it had
gained its electrical climax in the person of Miss Morkin, who, with
a shriek, was propelled against Mr. Poletiss, and gave the necessary
momentum that
[282 ADVENTURES OF MR. VERDANT GREEN]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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