The Adventures of My Cousin SmoothTempleton, Timothy
General
The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth
Templeton, Timothy
Pierce, Franklin, 1804-1869 -- Humor; United States -- Politics and government -- 1853-1857
your confidential notes; they are doubtless of a like character with
those I have myself received from him on this very subject. The man
seems crazed. He has inundated me with confidential trifles about
Cuba, the affairs of Europe, the Central American question, and the
holding a Congress at Ostend. I am bored to death with his opinions,
which, on the policy of the latter, are cheap indeed.' The old man now
became exceedingly nervous; indeed, he seemed like one laboring under
the first symptoms of an over-dose of Parr's Life Pills. 'Smooth! I am
sacrificed; yes, sir, literally sacrificed to all his folly! The
despatch bag has groaned under the very pressure of his nonsense,
which I am compelled to read and commit to the flames, lest our nation
should suffer by its disclosures. I have appealed to him on behalf of
my conscience; I have reasoned from the depths of my experience; I
have besought him to spare my reputation--and here you bring me fresh
proof that it has all gone to no purpose.' I could not help pitying
the venerable old man as he shrugged his shoulders, and gave such a
desponding look. 'Pierce,' he continued, 'will smash the democracy
before he has done, by simply making it ridiculous. Thrice have I
remonstrated with him in all my power of persuasion; but it has fallen
harmless at his feet, for here he is, up again and harping. He
singularly argues in his private despatches that Europe being in a
fuzzle generally; that England having enough to do at keeping her
grumbling people quiet, and fighting her old friend Russia; that
Monsieur Napoleon, the very Republican Emperor, having three large
kettles of fish to fry--one in helping England to whip Russia, by
which means he hoped to wipe off an old score; the second, to affect a
great determination to fight for the independence of the Turks, who
say they will lend a hand when they get in cash; and the third, to
crush all revolutionary movements at home; and that all having enough
to do in their work of protecting despotism and neglecting liberty,
the time is singularly opportune for America's making one grand
demonstration. Thus, he said, Pierce argued. It was all very well
showing a saucy front to mankind in general, but if we undertook to
bag Cuba, there must be something more than threats and war messages
to back it up.' I could not throw up my commission; therefore begged
my friend Buck would consider my position, and excuse in me what
seemed fast. And then I had despatched my Corporal Noggs to arrange
matters with Monsieur Souley, who was to play the part of
engine-driver, crowding charcoal for the whole team. After the
manifestation of much indecision, my friend Buck consented to go, at
the same time stipulating that he should not be led by certain fast
spirits. 'If I go, Smooth,' said he, 'it will be with virtuous
reluctance; the whole thing is sure to come out. Further, my boy Dan
(a sharp fellow he is!) has gone on a little affair respecting Cuba,
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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