The Adventures of My Cousin SmoothTempleton, Timothy
General
The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth
Templeton, Timothy
Pierce, Franklin, 1804-1869 -- Humor; United States -- Politics and government -- 1853-1857
"Prompt to the hour, no sooner had the allotted time expired than I
presented myself at the Legation with an express wagon, for the
accommodation of the old man indispensable. Corporal Noggs had got the
boys all right on the continent, and such a jolly time as was
expected! George had evidently been screwing up the old man, for I
found him in the very best humor. There he sat, portly and venerable,
surrounded by boxes, carpet-bags, and trunks; all, he assured me,
containing various diplomatic implements of great value. At his feet
purred the cat diplomatic, as if anxious to accompany him. 'These
boxes are a great trouble to me,' said the old man, getting up with
some effort, and pointing to three, about two feet square each, and
labelled as follows:--No. 1, '_Cuba by purchase_,' below--'_Copies of
Correspondence with our Minister to Spain, some years ago_,' at the
left corner the words--'_Promiscus_.' No. 2. '_Cuba at any
price_'--underneath--'_This side up, with care?_' No. 3. '_Cuba of
necessity, and as a link in the manifest fulfilment of
destiny?_'--underneath--'_Handled only by the experienced porter_.'
"The hall now rang loud of confusion,--the fiery-eyed cat ran
screaming to the door, maids' eyes were seen wanting to weep, Prompt
affected great grief,--he would be worked to death,--porters were seen
carrying out the luggage, and then waited to convey the old man. Then
Prompt said--the negro, as if to make the picture complete, was making
all sorts of grimaces in a corner,--if Dan should by some accident
return, what a deal of extra work he would make! But Smooth made up
his mind that such complaints were the natural consequences of an
irregular system. At last, having got boxes one, two, and three nicely
cared for, we bundled in the rest of the traps, following then with
the old man indispensable. Saunders being present by appointment,
insisted upon his right to drive the team, and suddenly springing upon
the box, seized unceremoniously the reins, and put the horses into
full gallop. Increasing his speed, until it became frightful to
delicate nerves, the poor old man's fears for his safety became so
excited that it required all my strength to keep him from jumping out
and breaking his neck, notwithstanding I had tucked him away so nicely
among the boxes before starting. Down Portland place, through Oxford
street, up Holborn, and down Cheapside, to the Bank (astonishing the
natives as we went) we drove, and from thence to St. Katherine's Dock,
where was moored the trim little steamboat chartered to convey Mr.
Pierce's plenipotentiaries safe to Ostend. Buck was in a sad state of
excitement when we stopped; he resembled an individual just escaped
from a perilous adventure. He discharged himself clumsily from the
wagon, his face undergoing singular changes of color the while, and
cast a few savage glances at Saunders, who very composedly sat on the
box endeavoring with might and main to suppress a vagabond laugh.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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