The Adventures of My Cousin SmoothTempleton, Timothy
General
The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth
Templeton, Timothy
Pierce, Franklin, 1804-1869 -- Humor; United States -- Politics and government -- 1853-1857
being sure of beating him, for he was mighty egotistical about his
prayers. Well, there was no help for it, we must feel kind and happy
to see so many happy ones around one, who could not? It was strictly
in accordance with Smooth's philosophy to make people as happy as
possible, and so he kept asking anxious questions, gettin'
satisfactory answers,--answers that would be sure to make me all
straight in the pious, with a day or two's consideration.
"In this way the spirits kept up until the pleasant hour of midnight
came; then the Deacon invited me to go home and hang up at his
house. It was just the thing for Smooth, but he had to decline twice
before he got over the polite so to accept: and then he knew Split was
taking the mackerel aboard like sixty. So he went home with the
deacon, turned in for the night, and knew nothing more till daylight.
"Now he must disclose how the Starlight and Split got along, coaxing
the mackerel with fresh bait, just as General Pierce does the Soft
Shells. Split meets the schooner Spunk, Skipper Pluck, afore he begun
to get to the line, outside of which he could fish according to
law. Split and he were old cronies, and they just _heaves to_, and has
a talk about what's best to be done. 'Twarn't long afore they had
negotiated the plan, which, when carried out, they were to divide the
spoils equal. Seeing how the Britishers, every year, pay over a
million pounds sterling for keeping open the fishing question, driving
the fish out of the water with big man-o'-war ships and steamships,
and making a deal of pleasant fun for a great many fine gentlemen who
threaten to swallow a fisherman for taking a fish; and that the United
States pay about one-fifth as much for the privilege of sending some
of their big ships to help the Britishers play the genteel, while
hoping that stupid diplomacy will long continue to give them the same
Opportunity, Split and Pluck reckoned how they'd come a point over the
Britishers.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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