The Adventures of My Cousin SmoothTempleton, Timothy
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The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth
Templeton, Timothy
Pierce, Franklin, 1804-1869 -- Humor; United States -- Politics and government -- 1853-1857
"Shanghai seemed a place of adventures and uncertain speculations; its
people were a medley of all sorts of human kind badly propounded.
Perhaps I should except that numerous gentry called fleas, so averse
to travellers that they at once set about biting them out of the
town. Two days in Shanghai proved quite enough. So, viewing it
advisable, we packed up our alls, and on foot shaped our course for
Scinde, a territory rather out of the way and very remotely situated.
Littlejohn, still my companion, said his honorable Governor got
possession of it in a very dignified sort of way; nevertheless, he
thought it advisable that as little as possible be said about the
process. The truth was, it was not distinctly known what the rest of
mankind said about it.
"After much journeying and hardship, we found ourselves in the heart
of Scinde, which looked desolate enough to have been under any other
than British rule:--we speak merely for the honor of British rule!
'This, Uncle John's, too?' I inquired, touching John on the shoulder.
"'Beg your pardon!' he returned, with affected indifference.
"'Does Britannia rule this territory?' I reiterated.
"'Well,' he rejoins, hesitatingly, 'as to that--Smooth, give us yer
hand--there is something to be considered; we believe in dispensing
blessings to mankind; and that all men, great and small, may have
their share, we aim to infuse our principles, and make them understood
throughout the world. It's all for humanity and the good of
Christianity; but, you see, we have for a long time tried to make
these foolish Princes comprehend the benefits resulting therefrom
without success, and were really forced to harsh measures. We were
sorry it was so, but, being the case, we, as a national sequence, had
to resort to conquering. Now, though it may not be always necessary to
apply the principle of conquering to do good, it follows as a rule
that good must result where the conqueror is a Christian power, whose
only motive is progress and civilization for the good of all. The
Anglo-Saxon teaches the barbarian to know himself; and when he has
done this he endeavors to infuse principles of trade and
constitutional government into his mind; but not daring to leave him
to himself, he reluctantly, nevertheless, is compelled to subject him
to his rule. I frankly admit we refrain from doing these manifest
destiny things, as you call them, with the same boldness characterized
in your proceedings with Mexico. Our East India Company may not be the
very best institution in the world for governing purposes, for it is
dangerous to invest a trading compact with governing powers, inasmuch
as selfish interests will conserve to keep the power of the governing
superior to the best interests of the governed, even though they be in
the majority; but the Company is a great machine for civilizing and
keeping civilized, that trade may not lose its influence. It teaches
these poor devils of natives to talk English, and, sir, can you
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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