The Adventures of My Cousin SmoothTempleton, Timothy
General
The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth
Templeton, Timothy
Pierce, Franklin, 1804-1869 -- Humor; United States -- Politics and government -- 1853-1857
pocket, brass in his face, and never a forlorn _h_ in his vocabulary,
is he the fellow to do brown the 'rag and tinsel.'
"Well, Mr. Smooth felt conscious of his own importance, and that same
was something among the good British. With philosophy profound in his
long face, Mr. Smooth made his compliments to the new and very sedate
minister, who some facetious wags called the very unobsequious Jimmy
Buckanan, of Pensylvane. This worthy and very firm-fisted statesman,
who was too much of the old school ever to be President of our United
States, advised the doing of a great many things, the diplomacy of
which Mr. Smooth seriously doubted. Especially did Smooth question
his reasoning on the breeches question, the quaint originality of
which was Marcy's own. This the venerable statesman informed me in a
sly sort of way, as he invited me to go into the back place and take a
little gin and bitters in a quiet way, for he was inveterately averse
to every body watching his movements. To live in a country so ancient
of incongruities, and where not alone the weak-minded bedeck
themselves in fancy coats and flashy tassels, and indescribable
coverings of high colors, requires some resolution in the man who
mixes with it, and is pleased to make known his taste for plain
black. And here Mr. Smooth and the worthy and very promising statesman
held a very learned controversy over the fact of Marcy having gone
into the tailoring business so largely as to define the shape of coat
it was consistent to wear at court tea-parties. Smooth wanted to put
on a little bright, just to look a man of consequence, and in order
not to be behind several of his brother democrats, whose names he
views it imprudent here to insert, and seeing how he was invited to
join a dough-nut party in Downing street, while he was certain of a
card to one of Citizen Peabody's most select dinners, for Peabody was
an intimate friend and old acquaintance; but our honest and very
American plenipotentiary said it would not do, for the obvious reason
that a man's importance should depend on what was in his brains. His
very democratic secretary having come to his sense of the force of
this argument, had made a solemn promise to put on red cloth and
feathers but four times a year, one of which he stipulated should be
at the opening of the Crystal Palace, that being an occasion when all
the fine ladies were expected to be present for the purpose of
witnessing the superiority of genius over court fooleries, as well as
being singularly fascinated with the young secretary's handsome
person. The argument here was so strong that Smooth at once knocked
under; and, too, simplicity in great men being greatness itself, he
sincerely enjoined all his countrymen to let sense and not semblance
honor their country, guide their actions when abroad.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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