"Well," I said, "you are really a very aggravating person. If I could
not have got my book published elsewhere, I would certainly have had a
row--I would have taken out my money's worth in vituperation."
Willett smiled; "I dare say you would have had some fun," he said, "but
that is not my line. I have told you before that I can't interest
people--I don't think it is wholly my fault."
We sate late, talking; and for the only time in his life he spoke to
me, with a depth of emotion of which I should hardly have suspected
him, of the value he set upon my friendship, and his gratitude for my
sympathy.
And now this morning I have heard of his sudden death. He was found
dead in his room, bent over his papers. He must have been writing late
at night, as his custom was; and it proved on examination that he must
have long suffered from an unsuspected disease of the heart. Perhaps
that may explain his failure, if it can be called a failure. There is
something to me almost insupportably pathetic to think of his lonely
and uncomforted life, his isolation, his sensitiveness. And yet I do
not feel sure that it is pathetic, because his life somehow seems to me
to have been one of the most beautiful I have ever known. He did
nothing much for others, he achieved nothing for himself; but it is
only our miserable habit of weighing every one's life, in a hard way,
by a standard of performance and success, which makes one sigh over
Francis Willett's life. It is very difficult at times to see what it is
that life is exactly meant to do for us. Most of the men and women I
know--I say this sadly but frankly--seem to me to leave the world
worse, in essential respects, than they entered it. There is generally
something ingenuous, responsive, eager, sweet, hopeful about a
child--but though I admit that one does encounter beautiful natures
that seem to flower very generously in the light of experience, yet
most people grow dull, dreary, conventional, grasping,
commonplace--they grow to think rather contemptuously of emotion and
generosity--they think it weak to be amiable, unselfish, kind. They
become fond of comfort and position and respect and money. They think
such things the serious concerns of life, and sentiment a kind of
relaxation. But with Willett it was the precise reverse. He claimed
nothing for himself, he never profited at the expense of another; he
was utterly humble, gentle, unpretentious, kind, sincere. An hour ago I
should have called him "poor fellow," and wished that he had had a more
robust kind of fibre; now that I know he is dead, I cannot find it in
my heart to wish him any such qualities. His life appears to me utterly
beautiful and fragrant. He never incurred any taint of grossness from
prosperity or success; he never grew indifferent or hard; and in the
light of his last passage, such a failure seems the one thing worth
achieving, and to carry with it a hope all alive and rich with
possibilities of blessing and glory.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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