for one struck dumb and crushed with sorrow to the earth. How soft a
thrill of hope throbs in the summer air! How the bird-voices in the
thicket, and the rustle of burnished leaves, and the hum of insects,
blend into a secret harmony, a cadence half-heard! I wait in love and
confidence; and through the trees of the garden One seems ever to draw
nearer, walking in the cool of the day, at whose bright coming the
flowers look upwards unashamed. Shall I be bidden to meet Him! Will He
call me loud or low?
August 25, 1890.
Maud has been ailing of late--how much it is impossible to say, because
she is always cheerful and indomitable. She never complains, she never
neglects a duty; but I have found her, several times of late, sitting
alone, unoccupied, musing--that is unlike her--and with a certain
shadow upon her face that I do not recognise; but the strange, new,
sweet companionship in which we live seems at the same time to have
heightened and deepened. I seem to have lived so close to her all these
years, and yet of late to have found a new and different personality in
her, which I never suspected. Perhaps we have both changed somewhat; I
do not feel the difference in myself. But there is something larger,
stronger, deeper about Maud now, as if she had ascended into a purer
air, and caught sight of some unexpected, undreamed-of distance; but
instead of giving her remoteness, she seems to be sharing her wider
outlook with me; she was never a great talker--perhaps it was that in
old days my own mind ran like an ebullient fountain, evoking no
definite response, needing no interchange; but she was always a sayer
of penetrating things. She has a wonderful gift of seeing the firm
issue through a cloud of mixed suggestions; but of late there has been
a richness, a generosity, a wisdom about her which I have never
recognised before. I think, with contrition, that I under-estimated,
not her judgment or instinct, but her intellect. I am sure I lived too
much in the intellectual region, and did not guess how little it really
solves, in what a limited region it disports itself. I see that this
wisdom was hers all along, and that I have been blind to it; but now
that I have travelled out of the intellectual region, I perceive what a
much greater thing that further wisdom is than I had thought. Living in
art and for art, I used to believe that the intellectual structure was
the one thing that mattered, but now I perceive dimly that the mind is
but on the threshold of the soul, and that the artist may, nay does,
often perceive, by virtue of his trained perception, what is going on
in the sanctuary; but he is as one who kneels in a church at some great
solemnity--he sees the movements and gestures of the priests; he sees
the holy rite proceeding, he hears the sacred words; something of the
inner spirit of it all flows out to him; but the viewless current of
prayer, the fiery ray streaming down from God, that smites itself into
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account