Yesterday I was walking in a field-path through the meadows; it was
just that time in early summer when the grass is rising, when flowers
appear in little groups and bevies. There was a patch of speedwell,
like a handful of sapphires cast down. Why does one's heart go out to
certain flowers, flowers which seem to have some message for us if we
could but read it? A little way from the path I saw a group of
absolutely unknown flower-buds; they were big, pale things, looking
more like pods than flowers, growing on tall stems. I hate crushing
down meadow-grass, but I could not resist my impulse of curiosity. I
walked up to them, and just as I was going to bend down and look at
them, lo and behold, all my flowers opened before my eyes as by a
concerted signal, spread wings of the richest blue, and fluttered away
before my eyes. They were nothing more than a company of butterflies
who, tired of play, had fallen asleep together with closed wings on the
high grass-stems.
There they had sate, like folded promises, hiding their azure sheen.
Perhaps even now my hopes sit motionless and lifeless, in russet robes.
Perhaps as I draw dully near, they may spring suddenly to life, and
dance away in the sunshine, like fragments of the crystalline sky.
July 8, 1891.
I was in town last week for a few days on some necessary business,
staying with old friends. Two or three people came in to dine one
night, and afterwards, I hardly know how, I found myself talking with a
curious openness to one of the guests, a woman whom I only slightly
knew. She is a very able and cultivated woman indeed, and it was a
surprise to her friends when she lately became a Christian Scientist.
When I have met her before, I have thought her a curiously guarded
personality, appearing to live a secret and absorbing life of her own,
impenetrable, and holding up a shield of conventionality against the
world. To-night she laid down her shield, and I saw the beating of a
very pure and loving heart. The text of her talk was that we should
never allow ourselves to believe in our limitations, because they did
not really exist. I found her, to my surprise, intensely emotional,
with a passionate disbelief in and yet pity for all sorrow and
suffering. She appealed to me to take up Christian Science--"not to
read or talk about it," she said; "that is no use: it is a life, not a
theory; just accept it, and live by it, and you will find it true."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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