Children of clergy -- Fiction; Clergy -- England -- Fiction
Latterly, in fact since I left Chatsea, I've been feeling the need
of a regular existence, and, though I cannot pretend that I have a
vocation for the monastic life in the highest sense, I do feel that
I have a vocation for the Order of St. George. You will wonder why
I have not mentioned this to you, but the fact is--and I hope
you'll appreciate my frankness--I did not think of the O.S.G. till
this morning. Of course they may refuse to have me. But I shall
present myself without a preliminary letter, and I hope to persuade
Father Burrowes to have me on probation. If he once does that, I'm
sure that I shall satisfy him. This sounds like the letter of a
conceited clerk. It must be the fault of this horrible inn pen,
which is like writing with a tooth-pick dipped in a puddle! I
thought it was best not to stay at the Rectory, with Esther on the
verge of her profession. It wouldn't be fair to her at a time like
this to make my immediate future a matter of prime importance. So
do forgive my going off in this fashion. I suppose it's just
possible that some bishop will accept me for ordination from
Malford, though no doubt it's improbable. This will be a matter to
discuss with Father Burrowes later.
Do forgive what looks like a most erratic course of procedure. But
I really should hate a long discussion, and if I make a mistake I
shall have had a lesson. It really is essential for me to be
tremendously occupied. I cannot say more than this, but I do beg
you to believe that I'm not taking this apparently unpremeditated
step without a very strong reason. It's a kind of compromise with
my ambition to re-establish in the English Church an order of
preaching friars. I haven't yet given up that idea, but I'm sure
that I ought not to think about it seriously until I'm a priest.
I'm staying here to-night after a glorious day's tramp, and
to-morrow morning I shall take the train and go by Reading and
Basingstoke to Malford. I'll write to you as soon as I know if I'm
accepted. My best love to everybody, and please tell Esther that I
shall think about her on St. Mary Magdalene's Day.
Yours always affectionately,
Mark.
To Esther he wrote by the same post:
My dear Sister Esther Magdalene,
Do not be angry with me for running away, and do not despise me for
trying to enter a monastery in such a mood. I'm as much the prey of
religion as you are. And I am really horrified by the revelation of
what I am capable of. I saw in your eyes yesterday the passion of
your soul for Divine things. The memory of them awes me. Pray for
me, dear sister, that all my passion may be turned to the service
of God. Defend me to your brother, who will not understand my
behaviour.
Mark.
Three days later Mark wrote again to the Rector:
The Abbey,
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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