English fiction -- 19th century; Marriage -- Fiction
His customary wrestle with the night drove Lord Fleetwood in the
stillness of the hour after matins from his hated empty Esslemont
up again to the village of the long-lived people, enjoying the moist
earthiness of the air off the ironstone. He rode fasting, a good
preparatory state for the simple pleasures, which are virtually the
Great Nourisher’s teats to her young. The earl was relieved of his
dejection by a sudden filling of his nostrils. Fat Esslemont
underneath had no such air. Except on the mornings of his walk over the
Salzkammergut and Black Forest regions, he had never consciously drawn
that deep breath of the satisfied rapture, charging the whole breast
with thankfulness. Huntsmen would know it, if the chase were not urgent
to pull them at the tail of the running beast. Once or twice on board
his yacht he might have known something like it, but the salt sea-breeze
could not be disconnected from his companion Lord Feltre, and a thought
of Feltre swung vapour of incense all about him. Breathing this air of
the young sun’s kiss of earth, his invigoration repelled the seductions
of the burnt Oriental gums.
Besides, as he had told his friend, it was the sincerity of the Catholic
religion, not the seductiveness, that won him to a form of homage--the
bend of the head of a foreign observer at a midnight mass. Asceticism,
though it may not justify error, is a truth in itself, it is the essence
extracted of the scourge, flesh vanquished; and it stands apart from
controversy. Those monks of the forested mountain heights, rambling
for their herbs, know the blessedness to be found in mere breathing: a
neighbour readiness to yield the breath inspires it the more. For when
we do not dread our end, the sense of a free existence comes back to us:
we have the prized gift to infancy under the piloting of manhood. But
before we taste that happiness we must perform our penance; ‘No living
happiness can be for the unclean,’ as the holy father preached to his
flock of the monastery dispersing at matins.
Ay, but penance? penance? Is there not such a thing as the doing of
penance out of the Church, in the manly fashion? So to regain the
right to be numbered among the captains of the world’s fighting men,
incontestably the best of comrades, whether or no they led away on a
cataract leap at the gates of life. Boldly to say we did a wrong will
clear our sky for a few shattering peals.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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