Americans -- France -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Paris (France) -- Fiction; Psychological fiction; Young men -- Fiction
chance to enlighten her, she had had to go on with it, he meanwhile
mistaking her motive.
He was rather glad, none the less, that they had in point of fact not
parted at the Cheval Blanc, that he hadn’t been reduced to giving them
his blessing for an idyllic retreat down the river. He had had in the
actual case to make-believe more than he liked, but this was nothing,
it struck him, to what the other event would have required. Could he,
literally, quite have faced the other event? Would he have been capable
of making the best of it with them? This was what he was trying to do
now; but with the advantage of his being able to give more time to it a
good deal counteracted by his sense of what, over and above the central
fact itself, he had to swallow. It was the quantity of make-believe
involved and so vividly exemplified that most disagreed with his
spiritual stomach. He moved, however, from the consideration of that
quantity—to say nothing of the consciousness of that organ—back to the
other feature of the show, the deep, deep truth of the intimacy
revealed. That was what, in his vain vigil, he oftenest reverted to:
intimacy, at such a point, was _like_ that—and what in the world else
would one have wished it to be like? It was all very well for him to
feel the pity of its being so much like lying; he almost blushed, in
the dark, for the way he had dressed the possibility in vagueness, as a
little girl might have dressed her doll. He had made them—and by no
fault of their own—momentarily pull it for him, the possibility, out of
this vagueness; and must he not therefore take it now as they had had
simply, with whatever thin attenuations, to give it to him? The very
question, it may be added, made him feel lonely and cold. There was the
element of the awkward all round, but Chad and Madame de Vionnet had at
least the comfort that they could talk it over together. With whom
could _he_ talk of such things?—unless indeed always, at almost any
stage, with Maria? He foresaw that Miss Gostrey would come again into
requisition on the morrow; though it wasn’t to be denied that he was
already a little afraid of her “What on earth—that’s what I want to
know now—had you then supposed?” He recognised at last that he had
really been trying all along to suppose nothing. Verily, verily, his
labour had been lost. He found himself supposing innumerable and
wonderful things.
Book Twelfth
I
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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