Americans -- France -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Paris (France) -- Fiction; Psychological fiction; Young men -- Fiction
simplest; yet this also struck him as bristling, after a third and a
fourth blank day had passed. It was as if at last however his care for
such indications had dropped; there came a fifth blank day and he
ceased to enquire or to heed.
They now took on to his fancy, Miss Gostrey and he, the image of the
Babes in the Wood; they could trust the merciful elements to let them
continue at peace. He had been great already, as he knew, at
postponements; but he had only to get afresh into the rhythm of one to
feel its fine attraction. It amused him to say to himself that he might
for all the world have been going to die—die resignedly; the scene was
filled for him with so deep a death-bed hush, so melancholy a charm.
That meant the postponement of everything else—which made so for the
quiet lapse of life; and the postponement in especial of the reckoning
to come—unless indeed the reckoning to come were to be one and the same
thing with extinction. It faced him, the reckoning, over the shoulder
of much interposing experience—which also faced him; and one would
float to it doubtless duly through these caverns of Kubla Khan. It was
really behind everything; it hadn’t merged in what he had done; his
final appreciation of what he had done—his appreciation on the
spot—would provide it with its main sharpness. The spot so focussed was
of course Woollett, and he was to see, at the best, what Woollett would
be with everything there changed for him. Wouldn’t _that_ revelation
practically amount to the wind-up of his career? Well, the summer’s end
would show; his suspense had meanwhile exactly the sweetness of vain
delay; and he had with it, we should mention, other pastimes than
Maria’s company—plenty of separate musings in which his luxury failed
him but at one point. He was well in port, the outer sea behind him,
and it was only a matter of getting ashore. There was a question that
came and went for him, however, as he rested against the side of his
ship, and it was a little to get rid of the obsession that he prolonged
his hours with Miss Gostrey. It was a question about himself, but it
could only be settled by seeing Chad again; it was indeed his principal
reason for wanting to see Chad. After that it wouldn’t signify—it was a
ghost that certain words would easily lay to rest. Only the young man
must be there to take the words. Once they were taken he wouldn’t have
a question left; none, that is, in connexion with this particular
affair. It wouldn’t then matter even to himself that he might now have
been guilty of speaking _because_ of what he had forfeited. That was
the refinement of his supreme scruple—he wished so to leave what he had
forfeited out of account. He wished not to do anything because he had
missed something else, because he was sore or sorry or impoverished,
because he was maltreated or desperate; he wished to do everything
because he was lucid and quiet, just the same for himself on all
essential points as he had ever been.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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