Humorous stories; Mistaken identity -- Fiction; United States -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
“Hawkins, this materialization is a grander and nobler science than we
have dreamed of. We have little imagined what a solemn and stupendous
thing we have done. The whole secret is perfectly clear to me, now,
clear as day. _Every man is made up of heredities_, long-descended
atoms and particles of his ancestors. This present materialization is
incomplete. We have only brought it down to perhaps the beginning of
this century.”
“What do you mean, Colonel!” cried Hawkins, filled with vague alarms by
the old man’s awe-compelling words and manner.
“This. We’ve materialized this burglar’s ancestor!”
“Oh, don’t—don’t say that. It’s hideous.”
“But it’s true, Hawkins, I _know_ it. Look at the facts. This
apparition is distinctly English—note that. It uses good grammar—note
that. It is an Artist—note that. It has the manners and carriage of a
gentleman—note that. Where’s your cow-boy? Answer me that.”
“Rossmore, this is dreadful—it’s too dreadful to think of!”
“Never resurrected a rag of that burglar but the clothes, not a
solitary rag of him but the clothes.”
“Colonel, do you really mean—”
The Colonel brought his fist down with emphasis and said:
“I mean exactly this. This materialization was immature, the burglar
has evaded us, this is nothing but a damned ancestor!”
He rose and walked the floor in great excitement.
Hawkins said plaintively:
“It’s a bitter disappointment—bitter.”
“I know it. I know it, Senator; I feel it as deeply as anybody could.
But we’ve got to submit—on moral grounds. I need money, but God knows I
am not poor enough or shabby enough to be an accessory to the punishing
of a man’s ancestor for crimes committed by that ancestor’s posterity.”
“But Colonel!” implored Hawkins; “stop and think; don’t be rash; you
know it’s the _only_ chance we’ve got to get the money; and besides,
the Bible itself says posterity to the fourth generation shall be
punished for the sins and crimes committed by ancestors four
generations back that hadn’t anything to do with them; and so it’s only
fair to turn the rule around and make it work both ways.”
The Colonel was struck with the strong logic of this position. He
strode up and down, and thought it painfully over. Finally he said:
“There’s reason in it; yes, there’s reason in it. And so, although it
seems a piteous thing to sweat this poor ancient devil for a burglary
he hadn’t the least hand in, still if duty commands I suppose we must
give him up to the authorities.”
“_I_ would,” said Hawkins, cheered and relieved, “I’d give him up if he
was a thousand ancestors compacted into one.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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